


She Falls Like

by Frazi



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-10 07:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4383131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frazi/pseuds/Frazi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The age of the Inquisition is upon them. No one can escape from the change that will sweep across Thedus; not even Hawke who is freshly emerged from the ashes of Kirkwall. Alone and broken she finds herself in the most unlikely of places and falling for the most unlikely of people. (After Anders there will be Fenris - Oh yeah!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

To build something with such meticulous care and then watch it fall into cinders; the regret would never leave me. One should never lose their home more than once in a lifetime. I'd lost mine too many times to count. Running from battle, certain death, strange places, new faces, I had made a habit of starting new. The difference this time around, was that I was alone. Betrayed by my heart. Abandoned by my city. Bereaved from all whom I loved, and whom loved me. Today – I stand alone.

"Where to serah?" The wagoner asked with near fearful expectation.

My origin was perhaps more off-putting than the long, bladed staff in my hand. Mages were running everywhere. It wasn't that hard to picture me on a non-descript wagon headed out of town. The town I was leaving behind had everyone nervous.

I took one last look at the burning pillars of Kirkwall. The crack and crash of buildings could be heard even miles away. It had been my home, my escape, and until it was well and truly behind me, it would be my shame.

He asked where to.

Perhaps, the one place no one would look for me.

Taking a deep breath, I met his eyes as firmly as I could in my broken state. "Tevinter."

Finally, a glance at the red pulsing orb on the head of my staff, the wagoner grimaced and turned to the road. "I can take you as far as the Imperial Highway heading north towards Navarra, but there is no way in hell I'm going anywhere near that wretched evil place."

It was futile, but I jiggled my pouch with a glib smile. "I have coin."

"You could have King Alistair in your little purse serah and I would still tell you I ain't goin'."

Settling down into the ragged old blanket around my shoulders, I let out a defeated sigh. "Anywhere is fine then."

A response wasn't bothered with as the carriage lurched and I was finally heading away from Kirkwall. A heavy weight settled into my bones until I could barely hold myself together. Then I figured, what was the use. It was over anyway. My body followed my mind's downward spiral and darkness took me.

Every spec of my being was in pain and still the shaking would not stop. It took near gargantuan effort to lift my eyelids and catch the offending thing latched onto my shoulder. Beyond the pinprick of my vision was a spot in the blinding light and I heard a soft yelp. Working through the fog engulfing me from all sides, I managed to find bearing enough to realize the thing was a hand and the spot was a face.

The face cringed and I realized my grip was instinctively tighter than normal. Relaxing, but unable to contain the groan of pain, I carefully shifted my spine and sat up. The few moments it took my balance to return, I rubbed the throbbing in my temples before attempting to look at the boy who had roused me from my death-like slumber. "What time is it?" I rasped.

The amber eyes flickered cautiously. "Nearly midnight."

The steady rocking of the carriage and the clip clop of the horses meant we were still on the road. Licking my parched lips, I groped around for the reassuring feel of my staff until it slid into my palm and filled me with an odd kind of security only another mage could comprehend. However, I did not have time to dwell on the good fortune of not being robbed, before a battered old flask was held out to me.

Frowning at the shaking bottle, I sat up more firmly and offered, what I hoped was, a grateful smile as I accepted his gift. "You're very kind, young ser."

The boy retreated as I took two careful sips of his water. "Galin."

Wiping my mouth, finally cognizant enough to realize there were more people in the wagon around me, I grinned and passed the flask back to him. "Raine."

A small blond eyebrow arched. "Like the kind that falls?"

Something twisted deep in my gut as my eyes clouded with tears. Hadn't I cried them all? "I…I suppose. Perhaps, the kind that rules?"

The corner of his mouth tilted up. "The kind that falls is better."

I cannot even describe how sad that made me, but for the benefit of the generous child, I smiled tremulously. "That works for me." Distracting myself from the melancholy drenching my soul, I cast my eyes around the darkness beyond the lantern that hung in our wagon. Everything beyond was black wood and stone. "Where are we?"

The four people seated before me had been observing my exchange with the boy silently. One of them, a frail woman, now piped in. "We're passing through the Planasene Forest."

I must not have slept more than three or four hours if that was the case. With a deep sigh, I offered another shallow smile before turning to gaze out into the darkness. The wagoner must have picked up more travelers on his way. Many were fleeing. The explosion at the Kirkwall chantry had seen to that. He had seen to that. Even if he paid for his sin, the tidal waves of his decisions would wash into every city and town of Thedus.

Anders, I lamented for the hundredth time, why couldn't you have waited? 

I could have swayed you.

I could have saved you.

I could have…

But no amount of 'could haves' would change the fate my world and of those around me. My world was filled with visions of his pleading eyes, of blood splattered black feathers, of cerulean lines in burning skin. My hand tightened on the hilt of my staff. Discarding the blade had failed to free me from my pain. I still felt its offending weight, the warmth of his blood where I'd pierced his heart and the cut of the hilt where it had branded itself into my palm.

Holding my tortured hand, I rubbed my thumb into the flesh in hopes of restoring it. But a part of me knew I would never be the same again.

In the chaos of our escape, I had lost everything. The man I loved had betrayed me, and everything I had hoped to fix in this world. My brother was beyond my reach; indoctrinated into the Grey Wardens and their secrets. My best friend had disappeared from my side in a cloak of darkness. I had searched everything from the keep to the bounds of Kirkwall, but found no trace of him, or his trusty crossbow. I could only assume he wanted as far away from it all as much as I did. I couldn't blame him really. I lost each of them as I made it out of the city. Some to their diverging destinies. Some to the guilt of their own choices. Some to promises of new beginnings. And some to the freedom's call of the open seas.

Now, I was well and truly, alone.

"Are you a mage?"

Looking up at the terse question, I met the eyes of a suspicious man wrapped around a woman he hoped to protect. Perhaps from me. There was little point in denying it. "Yes."

"From Kirkwall?"

I saw the wagoner cast a backward glance and took a deep breath. Snitch. "Yes."

"Was it you?"

Blinking at the spitting accusation, I almost said 'yes.' That I was equally responsible for blowing up the chantry. For not recognizing the madness in my lover's eyes. For the selfish need, to overlook the path, he had led me to. "I'm afraid not," I replied with a glimmer of my usual gaiety. "Sorry to disappoint."

"Your mantle is special."

I suppose it had been foolish of me to think no one would notice my attire. I was armed to the teeth and in the finest armor in all of the Free Marches. How arrogant I had been to accept. Pulling the blanket further around me, I shrugged. "I had money."

"In the circle?"

This type of questioning never led anywhere good. Huffing out a frustrated breath, I fixed a glare at the intrusive man. "Look here you," I jabbed an emphatic finger at him for good measure. "I have lost my mother, my sister, brother, my best friends and boyfriend all in one night. I am tired and dirty and two insults away from summoning a lightning storm that will make every single hair on your body stand on end. This kind of chatter is the reason mages and men have brought us to this end. I want no part of this debate, I never did, but so help me, if you drag me into this, I will strike you down."

The people shifted further away from me and the man stared at me with mouth open, eyes widened in fear. Grumbling under my breath, I threw my hood over my head and pretended to disappear into my blanket. Would people ever realize how futile this debate was? Would they ever realize the price they paid for their continued differences? Would mage and man ever truly learn to coexist?

A crumbly piece of moldy bread was held out to me. I raised an eyebrow at the kind child and sighed. The maker certainly had a sense of humor.

I took the bread gratefully and decided fate could take me where it willed. I had tried to do it my way and failed royally. Perhaps it was time to let the reins of my destiny shape my tomorrow, because I had plain run out of options as it were.

Two hours later, I was let off at the crossroads and it began to rain.

"Definitely a sense of humor", I muttered and began to walk.

With time, one learns to move on. The first few months of my self-imposed exile were wretched. I came in and out of dejected stupors only to realize my misery had carried me across the Imperium. It was perhaps just as well I had decided to be there. Tevinter was far and removed from the plague that was sweeping across the rest of Thedus. Mages had rebelled en mass. The arm of the Templars had been corrupted and divided with the inevitable fall of the chantry. The ill-fated conclave meant to bring method to the madness had been the final nail in our coffins.

The Divine had been slain and all hell broke loose in the form of a massive green gateway into the veil.

Amidst all that, Tevinter went about its day.

The status quo finally managed to drag me from the bowls of my grief and the mundane routine I began to build around me, finally offered respite from my own madness. I began to see past my loss. I began to look towards tomorrow, albeit, not beyond it quite yet. But at least my purpose was more than just getting through another day. I slowly realized how loving Anders had been fulfilling even if it had taken us to hell. I saw past his homicidal memories and remembered the man he had once been. I forgave myself for being in love and I forgave myself for putting a knife in his heart. He was a good man with some very bad ideas. I didn't try to justify his actions, but I managed to look beyond them.

I had been fooled, but it was a lesson that I had to learn. Lose everything and there's still a crisis to be resolved. I decided I could afford to indulge myself a little.

"Raine!"

Blinking out of the haze of my memories, I spotting the girl running straight at me. I had only moments to brace myself before she slammed into my legs and wrapped her arms around me. "OOF!" Steadying myself, I slowly extricated my legs. "Maeve, how many times have I told you_?"

"Not to keep running people over," the girl finished my sentence with a roll of her eyes. "I'm sorry Raine, but I am so happy to see you."

Laughing, I ruffled her hair fondly. "You saw me yesterday you drama queen."

"That was twelve whole hours ago!" The young girl explained with all too apparent excitement as she proceeded to take my hand and drag me towards the mansion. "Are we going to throw more fireballs today, huh? Can I use more dummies for target practice? I asked mom to order more."

I smiled as I watched her skip ahead towards our practice area. I wished my sister and I had had the liberty to learn magic with such abandon. A part of me couldn't help rejoice at the freedom I had found in Tevinter, but I was no naïve child. When I had accepted the position as tutor to the Magister Arabella's daughter in Qarinus, I saw the machinations of the Magisterium. Her cousin Gideon Pavus had visited along with his son Dorian, despite being branded a traitor for speaking against the problems in Tevinter. During their conversation, I sometimes heard the tales of corruption and misuse. It was true – the Imperium was another extreme. Where the rest of Thedus persecuted the mages, the Tevinter Imperium over-exalted them.

I wondered if a balance could ever be established.

While I got my feet back on the ground, my tutelage provided respectable room and board. Arabella had hired me on sight. My champion's mantle was good for something after all. She said I looked capable enough then proceeded to challenge me to a duel. I held back. She wasn't the finest Magister I'd seen. Putting Danarius down had been a struggle. The thought of him brought back memories of downy white hair and big green eyes like wet forests. I smiled at the memory of his curled mouth, his unhappy but willing participation in my quest to save the mages in Kirkwall. In the end, he'd quietly asked if he could return to Seheron. I didn't have the heart to refuse him; in fact, I couldn't deny how sad the thought had made me. He'd been a solid presence at my back. Despite our difference of opinion over the mage issue, his adamancy that they should be regulated and my need to stay out of it, he never once shirked his responsibilities. Fenris never once let me stand alone in battle.

During my two-month tenure in Qarinus, I had thought of looking for him – but never did. He had wanted his freedom so much. Finding him would mean binding him back to me; his sense of honor would compel him to watch over me once again.

"Watch out!"

Head snapping up, I was just in time to see the misfired fireball heading straight for my head. "Balls."

To Be Continued...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I do so love Dorian in DA:Inquisition. I wish he had been a candidate for both male and female inquisitors. Sigh. What a waste indeed. Fenris is on his way I promise! Enjoy!

CHAPTER 2

 

"Watch out!"

Head snapping up, I was just in time to see the misfired fireball heading straight for my head. "Balls."

But before I could call up a barrier or close my eyes, a strong pair of arms wrapped around my waist and yanked me out of the trajectory of the fiery projectile.

"Raine!"

Disoriented, I stumbled and caught myself with my hands on the entirely capable shoulders of one Dorian Pavus. I will not lie - the man is a remarkable sight. The mustache twisted with the sardonic line of his mouth as his whiskey-hued eyes crinkled in mirth. "Admit it; that was deliberate?"

"Yes. I wanted to be fried to a crispy critter just so you could swoop in and save me." Startled into awareness by his blatant arrogance and charming wit, I offered him a saccharine smile. "How ever did you guess?"

"Did you really?" Mirth dancing his eyes, he slowly helped me stand on my own weight as the barreling form of Maeve came and crashed into my legs once again. "I meant Maeve thought we should meet, but I suppose I can understand your inability to resist my charm."

Wrapping my arms around the apologizing girl, I soothed her with a hand through her ruffled hair before turning to Dorian. "Oh, I have experience with your sort of charm. I knew a crow once."

"I shudder to think you might be comparing me to a bird."

"Shudder not; he was a very smooth talker and a trained assassin."

"I am redeemed," Dorian chuckled and stepped aside as Arabella burst into the room with in a flurry of frills and silk.

"Maeve! My baby!" Maeve was quickly extracted into her thin wiry arms. "Are you hurt!?"

I took a deep fortifying breath, but my savior interjected before Arabella could even glare an accusation at me. "Calm yourself Bella. This little fireball of yours went off without warning."

"Mother! I made a fireball!"

Arabella's eyes widened as she grabbed her jumping daughter close to her. "Raine? Have you been teaching her fire spells already?"

"Your daughter is an apt pupil Madam. She has forced me to change my timetable."

The Magister's eyes brightened with delight. "My daughter? How advanced is she? What level would you grant her?"

I saw Dorian place his head in his hand and sigh. With my ear to the ground, I had heard that there had been no real talent in Arabella's line of mages. Her family had been trying to breed into betters just to produce a protégé that would give them some real influence in Imperium politics. In fact, Dorian had been a candidate for Arabella herself, but she'd confessed to me on a rare moment of candor that he was a lost cause. The handsome specimen of manly goodness was well and truly gay. Oh what a waste, I lamented inwardly. He would have been quite the lady-killer much like a certain elf assassin I had met.

"I would definitely say; your daughter is ready to be accepted into one of the best circle academies in Tevinter."

No sooner had the words spilled from my mouth did the two women, young and old, began to dance around in merry circles.

I sighed much as Dorian had and met his eyes. "Guess I'm going to be out of a job soon."

A light seemed to spark in his eye. "No other preoccupations?"

I shrugged and picked up my staff. "Afraid not."

We quietly made our way out of the door, leaving mother and daughter to plot and plan, and into the halls. Servants and slaves went about cleaning and dusting and I paused for a moment staring at the young elf sweeping the floor. I forgot for a moment that Dorian stood beside me and gazed at him, wondering once again where Fenris was. The thought that he might be somewhere sweeping floors sent a wave of panic through me. But I quelled it. In the years we'd spent together, he had broken every chain that held him back. He would die first then be made a slave again. Still, the sight of the lanky man gave me pause.

"You're Fereldan."

Startled, I looked up at him. "My accent gave me away?"

Dorian's smile was gentle if not understanding. "The distaste on your lovely face when you looked at our help."

Grinding my teeth, I looked back at the elf quietly making his way down the hallway, weaving around other servants, making sure not to miss a single spot. "Freedom is should be a common commodity."

"Spoken like a true mage."

I frowned up at him, unsettled by his complacency. "Coming from a Tevinter Mage that's a little condescending."

"Only a little?"

Glaring at his obvious tease, I turned and decided I'd had enough of his pompous judgment. "It's enough."

"Hey, wait!" He bounded after me as I quickly and irritably strode toward my quarters. Maybe it was better I was leaving. Even though it had been a necessity to find work and Arabella wasn't particularly cruel to her slaves, I couldn't stomach the concept on a daily basis. Knowing me, I would have started a rebellion had Maeve not kept me busy.

"Stop following me Dorian."

"Come now Madam, I was only jesting."

Spinning around, my eyes were shooting fire I imagined, but I was so tired of it. "I am so sick of this constant need to debate whether mages should be free or not. I cannot go two steps before I am dragged into another argument and expected to express my opinion on the matter. As if, I do not have anything better to do with my time! Why can't you people just leave it all alone and while you're at it – leave me alone as well!"

Hands raised in surrender, Dorian did not seem the least bit perturbed with my outburst. "I meant no offence. To be so objective on the matter means you must have been dragged into this debate quite often."

The nerve of this man. Arms crossed, I glared at him, wondering if stomping on his foot would be childish. Oh but I was so tempted. "Are you always this nosy?"

"Only with people prettier than I am."

My traitorous mouth twitched at the rather proud grin on his face, but his eyes were kind. Mustering my most stern voice, I raised an eyebrow. "Are you toying with me serah, because I am well aware that you do not prefer my kind."

"Tall, smart and beautiful?"

What is it with women and flattery? He offered me that ridiculous compliment with a wink. What I should have been is offended. Instead, I felt something melt inside me and I realized what I had missed the most. A companion. Perhaps playing his game for a little while wouldn't be such a bad thing. Something had been coiled inside me since I left Kirkwall. Where I had thought it was depression, it was more so the loneliness. I had been surrounded with people who loved me and supported me and now I had none. How selfish was I in my misery. My heart broke and I never once thought to seek someone out. Anders had betrayed my trust, but my friends had not. It had been a trying moment, escaping from the city. The chaos itself had leant little avenue. We lost each other in the crowd.

Friendship was more. I knew it deep in my soul that if I reached out to any of them, they would take my hand without another thought.

Letting my newfound hope shine through my eyes, I smiled widely at Dorian. "I meant you would rather prefer my brother."

"You have a brother?" He brightened.

Unable to contain my laugh I held up a hand. "Yes and no I cannot introduce you. He's a Gray Warden."

"Ask me if that matters."

Beckoning him with a tilt of my head, I detoured towards the gardens instead. I did enjoy his company. He reminded me of the girl I had once been. Happy, carefree, funny. Whole. "Even if you could find him, don't you have enough trouble hounding you already?"

"Arabella has a big mouth," Dorian grumbled and I couldn't help laugh at his dejected face.

"No. I overheard."

"Then you have big ears." Sighing, he reclined against the trunk of a shady tree as I set my staff aside and sat down in the cool soft grass. A part of me wanted to linger here. Tevinter's ability to be cut off from the rest of Thedus was a welcome respite. But I couldn't hide forever and my recent zeal to reach out to my friends was enough to compel me forward.

"Truly though," Dorian continued a tad seriously, "I was only curious about where you would go from here. I myself find myself leaving the city. But there is a certain matter that requires some assistance from a fellow, albeit apt, mage."

"The last time I blindly agreed to help another mage, started a war."

He peered at me curiously but thankfully didn't pry further. "I am unsure if that will be the result of my request."

"Are you saying it could?"

"It's always a possibility, but I confess I'm rather hoping it might stop one."

The gravity of his words, although offered in a jovial color, managed to raise all sorts of red flags in my mind. Meeting his eyes squarely I couldn't help fall into old patterns. "Explain."

He took a moment to choose his words before taking a spot beside me on the grass. "I could ask anyone, but I have a feeling about you."

"Gullible?"

He snickered at my quip before shaking his head. "On the contrary. You seem like a woman who is not easily swayed." Ander's face popped into mind, but only briefly as Dorian began to explain. "I have been the pupil of one Magister Gereon Alexius. I'm sure you have heard of how I am rocking too many proverbial boats and will probably end up on some traitorous pedestal." When I offered him a knowing smirk, he rolled his eyes. "Remind me to be careful about your ability to pick information out of thin air."

"I made friends with your help," I punctuated with air quotes, "and the local barkeep owes me coin at wicked grace."

I preened under his appreciative eye. "How very roguish of you."

"Thank you," I bowed my head before prompting him back on topic. "Continue."

"I come from a family of carefully bred mage lineage."

"Like a prime calf."

"Do you want to tell this?" He glared and I couldn't help the muffled chuckle before waving him on. "As it were, I had my pick of teachers. I picked Alexius for his talk about changing the Imperium. I have always thought we have spent far too many years wallowing in our own conspiracies. If the Imperium is to advance further we must change some fundamental structures of our political landscape."

"Like slavery?"

He frowned with a slow tolerant breath then conceded. "Slavery being one of them. But I was rather inclined towards opening our borders, foregoing the hypocrisy, changing the hierarchy and I thought Alexius was on the same bandwagon. But unfortunately, the last blight took his wife and left his only son tainted. He drowned in grief and I gave him time and space to find his way back to shore, but I was wrong. Had I been more vigilant I would have seen what he was planning." With a sigh, he leaned back between the roots of the trees, his eyes distant as he recalled the events. "His son, Felix, found me one day while I was busy stirring political trouble, and evading my father's persistent marriage proposals. When he began to tell me just how far Alexius had gone, how obsessed he was with time magic, I realized I should never have left his side. When I tried to approach Alexius, he was ranting and mad with ideas of reversing events. Changing history in ways that could only mean the ruin of all Thedus. When I tried to sway him back to reality, he asked me to either stand with him, or leave.

"I was so disillusioned by my mentor and so angry at him for giving into Tevinter's never-ending thirst for power, that I left. It was only a few days ago when I found out he was leaving for The South. Now Felix is my only contact within his ranks. With the conclave destroyed, and the Divine dead, I fear he is acquiring chess pieces for a much bigger and more sinister plan than just reversing time and saving his son. Something or someone else is guiding him."

"What do you need me for?"

"To get to Felix," he explained, meeting my eyes resolutely. "I must leave Tevinter and I mean to follow them. But I need to speak with Felix and find out where Alexius is going and what he intends to do. I, unfortunately, cannot set foot within a hundred meters of his estate, but you might be able to."

I let out a gust of breath. Here we go again, I grumbled inwardly. What was fate weaving now? Hadn't I helped enough?

"I need you, Raine."

Apparently not. Is this why I ended up in Tevinter? And to think I'd had hoped it would be the one place no one would find me. I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell Dorian that I couldn't help him. But as I was dragged into saving the world in Kirkwall, so the speak, I knew deep in my gut that I would be dragged into this new inquisition business sooner or later. This time, I decided, I would rather walk in with all my wits rather than be pitched head first as I had with Anders.

I was still uncomfortable with picking sides, but I knew I couldn't sit by and watch either.

Sliding my hand onto the reassuring heat of my staff, I tried to draw in some of my father's will and took a deep breath. "Point me to the Magister."

I am sure Dorian's grin was wide enough to be seen from the Vinmark Mountains.

To be Continued…


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that the wheels have been set in motion, enter Fenris!

"I'm going to kill you!"

Wincing, the mustached mage stepped closer and pressed the invitation into my palm. "Shhhh! Are you daft! Someone could hear you!"

"Oh I doubt anyone would care if I struck you down with lightning in public!" I yanked my person out of his grasp and teetered precariously in my high heels. "No one, not even my own mother, could put me in a damned dress and YOU…"

A hand clamped down on my mouth as Dorian wrapped his arms around me. People went by frowning at the couple in the alley, but Dorian simply smiled at them and kissed my temple. "Relax sweetness; I will buy you those diamond earrings." I continued to struggle lightly as people began to move on. "Will you please keep your voice down!" he hissed into my ear.

Shoving myself away, I straightened my jaw, followed by my dress and snorted. "I want a necklace to go with those earrings my dear."

Glaring at my conniving, he slid his thumb against my chin to wipe the smudge of lipstick. "Just get in there and bring Felix to the balcony on the second floor of the north wing. He should be the one wearing the carnation."

"How clichéd."

"Raine!"

Rolling my eyes at his exasperation, I finally primped my blond wig. The wretched thing smelled of a perfumery and I had started to ask where Dorian had managed to get the silvery blue dress ensemble but then I'd thought better of it. I will scrub myself thoroughly, I promised, and burn it for personal satisfaction when I'm done. "And a ring." Muttering and grumbling, I slowly joined the crowd heading towards the gates of the Magister's mansion. A few people peered at me curiously and I tried to walk as straight as I could in the extra height I'd been given. Inventions from hell, these contraptions. My feet were already starting to ache.

Only a magister would throw a ball before going out to conquer and pillage. Or perhaps I really was naïve. Dorian had managed to obtain an invitation through Arabella. It was just as well I'd quit or she'd have my head on pike if she realized I was going instead of her.

The short trek up the steps opened up into a lavish courtyard littered with guests and servant milling about with trays of food. A tray of prawns went by and I grabbed one before my stomach managed to make a sound. Down boy, I commanded it silently munching on the delicious morsel, there will be more later. The mansion itself was lit with lanterns that cast a warm magical glow about the place. A juggler was tossing bottles while rolling fireballs in his hands. A woman kept changing into different animals and amusing the guests as they giggled and gasped at her transformations. A pretty, little elf was sculpting ice figurines of guests as they passed by. I so wished Bethany had been here to see it. She would have loved the finery.

I on the other hand saw a blatant misuse of magic and shameless flaunting of wealth. Yes, I'm damaged that way. I blame my father.

A few people murmured as I passed by, but my eyes were searching for something else. I would be gone by morning so it mattered little what rumors I started or what they thought they saw as I quickly made my way into the mansion itself.

The smell of jasmine and morning dew drifted through the halls as I weaved around laughing people and trays of food. I have to admit, the dumplings were a delight and the honey bread bites were scrumptious, but the prawns I loved the most.

It took me a few moments and several quick pauses around trays to locate the ballroom and what a sight it was. Tall two-story high mirrors covered the walls, chandeliers descended down like islands in the sky painted ceiling. Curtains of white and gold silk fell in whorls around the entire glass hall. It was truly majestic to look at. Until I realized that, the reflections of people were not really reflections. They appeared to be smoky apparitions of pixies, fairies and other magical creatures. Surrounded by the endless mirrors in all directions, I took a step back into the hallway.

Suddenly I was afraid to step into the glass ballroom. It seemed to repel me.

"Don't like it my dear?"

Ice skated down my spine at the smooth voice behind me. Forcing myself to turn as slowly as I could, I met the eyes of the one man I had hoped to avoid. From what Dorian had told me, Alexius had once been an ambitious, driven man. But he'd never once told me he was a good man. And one look at him told me why it had been so easy for him to fall prey to temptation. If Danarius had set a bad example for magisters, then Alexius asserted my belief that power corrupted everything – be it mage or man. "I have never seen its equal."

"I don't doubt it," he smiled and slid one hand against my lower back, forcing me to turn back towards the ballroom. Still, I could not will my feet to carry me forward. "It can be a bit overwhelming."

Gritting my teeth and physically holding myself from removing his hand from my body, I smiled woodenly and remained rooted to my spot. "I humbly admit the same. Perhaps, some wine will help fortify my will."

Before I could turn to walk away, the magister lifted a hand and a goblet of the finest silver and glass appeared in his hand. "Anything for the lovely lady."

There was no way in hell I was going to drink anything he conjured out of thin air. Accepting the goblet, I raised it to him in a silent cheer and took a careful step away from him. "I thank you serah. You have a lovely home. Perhaps I'll enjoy this outside."

"I won't hear of it," he bowed and offered me his arm. "You are my guest and I will personally escort you to your first dance. What kind of host would I be, if I didn't accommodate all my guests? I assure you, it is perfectly safe."

Panic building in my belly, I quelled it with a deep breath. If I could face down the Arishok without breaking a sweat, I could stand to dance with the slippery warlock for a while. Linking my hand around his arm, I let him guide me inside the swirling room of bodies. The force of the spell hit me like a gust of wind. My breath left me before I realized just what had repelled me from the room. Inside the ballroom was a permanent, near unbreakable dispelling spell. My own mana pool began to weaken, my magic receding further into my skin. My wards, my shields bent inward and snapped as the Magister guided me over the threshold.

"Relax my dear," I resisted the urge to vomit as I looked up at the magister and his oily smile. "We are all friends here. No need to be alarmed. All will be restored once we step back outside. Come," he patted my hand. "Let me introduce you to my son. Perhaps he will finally be willing to participate after meeting such a lovely young woman."

As fate would have it, I was led directly to one Felix Alexius III. Maybe my luck hadn't run out after all.

"Felix, allow me to introduce_"

I extended my hand with a trembling smile that I hoped came out shy and not constipated. "Isabella." I batted my eyelashes at the poor fellow complete with my namesake wink. The young man reared back with the force of my greeting and opened his mouth like a fish. Perhaps I over did it. Smiling gently, I offered him my hand and gave a small courtesy. It was crude, but it was at least steady. "I must admit I came here with the express intention of meeting you. Arabella Hamil speaks highly of you."

The young man blinked in bewilderment between his father and I, but he took my offered hand like a gentleman. "Arabella spoke of me?"

"You know the Lady Hamil?" The Magister narrowed his eyes at me, but I didn't care about him anymore. I'd found Felix and the only thought it my mind was getting him out of the crowd and alone somewhere. I sighed inwardly. How it used to mean something different in another lifetime. Damn you Anders.

"Why yes Lord Alexius, we are cousins. Thank you so much for delivering me to your son," I giggled coquettishly before latching firmly onto Felix's arm. "I believe I was promised a dance Felix and your father accommodates all his guests." Without waiting for the magister, I bodily dragged Felix into the crowd of dancers.

"Madam!"

As I yanked myself unceremoniously closer to him, the young man bristled and firmly brought down his foot to step away from me, but I wrapped one brocaded arm around his neck and whispered against his cheek. "Dorian sent me. Dance with me before you get us both killed." It took him a moment to realize what was going on, but soon enough, his arms came around me, his body relaxed and we began to sway to the music.

Pasting an overly bright smile on my face that would hopefully appear as if I was smitten with him, I hissed out a breath. "Maker's balls! These heels are killing me."

The corner of Felix's mouth tilted up and he leaned his head closer. "I never expected him to pick such a lovely messenger."

"Yes, well the boys were taken. So let's get this over with. Dorian will meet us on the second floor balcony of the north wing."

Peeking over my shoulder, he chuckled. "My father is still frowning at me. I suggest we dance this one in silence as strangers then I'll lead you outside."

"And then we'll be more than strangers?"

He blinked down at me and raised an eyebrow. "Was that part of Dorian's plan?"

Suddenly feeling like an idiot and realizing I had gotten carried away with my flirting, I winced. "Sorry. Dorian seems to have this effect on me."

"You can rest easy my dear. He has that effect on everyone." He turned us into a perfect circle and led us into a simple but elegant waltz. Even if I had no idea what I was doing, I didn't trip as he very carefully maneuvered me around. I took a moment to look at him. True to Dorian's word, he was wearing a carnation, but more than that, I saw the same color of death under his eyes that I'd seen in countless people including Avaline's husband. If we hadn't found the Grey Wardens or Anders hadn't been with us, I would have lost my brother as well. The memory of how afraid I had been and how grateful I was to Anders, trumped my need to bring him back to life and then kill him all over again. If only I had known sooner what he planned.

"A copper for your thoughts."

Heat rose to my cheeks when I realized I had drifted off again. "Apologies serah, I have recently made a habit of losing my train of thought. You were saying?"

"I was saying this piece is about to end, we should appear smitten with each other before I cajole you towards the upper floors."

Twisting my mouth in distaste, I grunted. "Do I have to kiss you?"

"I shall spare you the torture."

"Excellent," I grinned brightly at him and fell into an elaborate courtesy, gazing up at him through my eyelashes. Oh if Isabella could see me now. "How's this?" I whispered.

Barely containing his smile, he held one arm behind him and extended his hand to me with a slight bow. "Smashing. Keep smiling and they'll think we're fixed."

"Brilliant." I said between my teeth, cheeks beginning to hurt as I continued to grin. "Now get me out of here before my face falls apart."

Muffling his chuckle, he carefully and with all eyes following us, led me out of the ballroom and my magic came back to me with a whoosh of air. Staggering for a second, I held onto his arm tightly as I raised one hand to my throbbing temple. "Holy mother of partha."

"Shhh," he whispered against my hair, one arm wrapping around my shoulders as he guided me up a flight of low-riding stairs, smiling down into my eyes as if he had not a care in the world. For me, it took effort not to spew my insides. The dull ache that had stayed with me inside the ballroom now returned with a ferocity that nearly brought tears to my eyes. It felt like my magic was a thing alive and pushing to burst free. I had never been inside a spell like that before. The sheer power behind it was staggering. I couldn't believe why Alexius wanted more power.

"Through here," Felix murmured as we approached a tall door and slipped through quietly. He cast one last glance to make sure we were not followed before closing the door and locking it.

Gasping for breath, I nearly fell into the nearby bed, my fingers pressing into my head. I had to yank the wig off and put my head between my knees before the pounding began to subside. "What…in maker's name…was that?"

"It is a dispel dome. We usually use them for council meetings and for stopping riots. It helps keep the peace and it strictly only sanctioned by the Magisterium. My father is flaunting his new found power by using it for his party." He walked to the window, threw the drapes aside and flung it open. "How is Dorian supposed to get all the way up_"

"Here?"

We both snapped around to stare at the man leaning against the closed door with a smirk firmly planted on his face. While Felix floundered, I picked up the stinking wig and threw it at him. "A warning would have been nice."

Dorian caught the fluffy fake hair and sighed. "I apologize. I had no idea Alexius had gone so far."

Felix stepped around me and wrapped his arms around the other mage. With strange fascination, I watched Dorian sooth the young man with gentle words and strokes along his back until Felix found the courage to step away. "He's gone mad Dorian. He's taking me to Redcliff."

Head slightly clearer, I kicked off the heels and rose to my feet. "Redcliff. Why Redcliff?"

"The mage rebellion from the circle in Orlais has taken refuge there under the Arl. Grand Enchanter Fiona has been searching to form an alliance and my father is thinking of taking Redcliff for himself!"

I stared at him, as Dorian held his friend by his shoulders to calm him. A Tevinter magister in Fereldan. At a time like the present, it could spark more than a war. I had heard that the conclave had been destroyed by an unknown entity and that an Inquisition had been called by the Seekers of the chantry, but I couldn't understand what stake Alexius could have in all this.

Dorian was frowning. "What does Alexius have to gain in Redcliff?"

"My father has become a member of a group that calls itself the Venatori. They mean to kill this so-called Herald of Andraste we all keep hearing about. He thinks she really is sent by the maker Dorian, he has lost his mind!" Felix pulled away to fall into a chair, his entire frame quaking with the words he uttered. "The Venatori are an armed cult of Tevinter nationalist supremacists trying to further the goals of some divine entity called the Elder One. They caused the explosion at the conclave and the breach to appear. They killed all those people. And my father is helping them."

The room was silent for a while. Finally, Dorian rose from his perch on the edge of the bed and placed his hand on Felix's shoulder. "Relax my friend. I will shadow you to Redcliff. I will speak with the Herald. No one has to die."

Grasping his hand, Felix leaned his head back against the chair. "Father has an artifact that I have never seen on him before and even from a far, I could tell it was powerful and very dangerous. I think he's done it Dorian. He's finally found a way to manipulate time. We have to stop him. We have to save him before he does something terrible. I have made my peace. Death does not scare me anymore."

Dorian gave him a reassuring squeeze before turning to me. "And what of you Raine?"

What of me, I wondered.

To be Continued…


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't planned him to totally take over it all like that. Damn Fenris. I had planned for this to be a slow progression, but he hit her like a freight train. It was totally not planned! Thoughts?

Here I was in the most unlikely of places once again embroiled into a plot to save the world. How far would I have to run to escape it all? Could I? Did I even want to? The answer was so obvious. Scowling at the daughter my father had made and the morals my mother had instilled, I lifted my blue eyes up to the mustached mage. "Why can't people ever manage to save the damned world themselves?" I snatched the wig that morosely dangled from Dorian's hand and smacked it back on my head. "I am so tired of being dragged into one escapade after another. What, like there is no other morally bound, crazed mage with a death wish qualified for the job! Honestly!" Dorian seemed to struggle to hold his mouth steady so I glared at him. "What!?"

Reaching out, he gently and cautiously rearranged the borrowed hair on my head before smiling despite my death-glare. "None as pretty as you I'm afraid. Or me. But then I hardly want to be the leading man in this story."

Slapping his hand away half-heartedly, I huffed. "Well it's not going to be me, which I assure you. Now, how do we get out of here?"

"The service entrance." Felix touched his temple, his color lighter than before. "I have to get back to the party before father decides my tryst has gone on too long."

"They don't usually?" I couldn't help my lopsided smirk.

Dorian placed both hands on my shoulder blades from behind and bodily maneuvered me out of the door before I could snigger. "I think we've overstayed our welcome. Felix, I will be in touch." Turning back to him, he placed a gentle hand on the young man's shoulder. "Hang in there my young friend; we will get through to him. One way, or the other."

Felix sighed and nodded. "Thank you. Take the stairs to your right into the service quarters. Everyone will be busy with the guests, they should be empty."

I ducked my head through the door and grinned mischievously. "Cheer up lad, fifteen minutes is not so bad." Sadly, Dorian didn't give me the chance to listen to the grumbling curse as he dragged me to our escape route. Let it not be said that I do not find humor in my situation. Truth be told, I was worried if I didn't find humor in my situation I might sit down and weep some more. My stomach was queasy and my limbs weak. I had walked out of a burning city with screams and tears echoing from every street. To imagine walking into another was near crippling. I half-wished lightning would strike me so I wouldn't have to make this choice. I was taking sides again and my need to set things right would be my undoing. "So, you and Felix?"

"Maker, no!" Dorian bristled and glowered. "I was a guest in their house. Felix and I were just friends. Do you really think me that depraved?"

"I don't know you enough to think you're any less."

Rolling his eyes, Dorian dismissed me with a wave. "You are incorrigible."

"I've been called worse." Over my shoulder, I shot my fellow mage a wink. That was when I saw a shock of white streak around the corner we'd just turned. White and spikey. Maybe I'd imagined it. Maybe it was the light playing tricks on me. Surely.

"OOF!" When Dorian collided into my back I realized I had stopped. It couldn't be.

"Raine!" There was a hiss of warning behind me, but I was already sprinting back around the corner and into the slightly ajar door. Cooks yelped and jumped out of my way as I weaved through the kitchen. Service elves stared in stupor as I made a beeline for the exit towards the back wall. It just couldn't be.

Behind me, Dorian was muttering 'pardon me's and 'coming through's followed by 'she's about to be sick'. As it were, no one dared to come in the way of cancan inflated blonde, supposed noblewoman, about to hurl. Bursting out into the night, I whirled around, scanning both directions around me. Where?

"Raine, will you wait!" Dorian tried to catch his breath behind me.

But my mind was in frenzy. It wasn't possible. He couldn't be here. He couldn't be a slave again. After everything we'd been through. After the taste of freedom he'd had, it couldn't be. It was too painful a thing that he would end up here. Again. Taking a deep breath, I caught the slight hint of burnt lyrium in the air and spun around toward the left, picked up my skirts and took off in a run.

"Oh for…stop! What is wrong with you?"

I couldn't tell him for sure. I didn't know what was wrong with me; I just had to make certain.

But I had barely gone a few paces before a strong hand curled around my arm and I was yanked through a slightly ajar door. My back slammed hard against the wall and I saw a sparkle of stars as my skull cracked against the rock as the door ominously snapped shut.

Years of training aside, I could have managed to light up my attacker like a lantern with a flash-fire spell, if my worst fears hadn't been confirmed. A blue, lyrium lined face, chiseled to the finest cheekbones and full mouth twisted into a scowl filled my vision. Big green eyes flashed under wonderfully tufted brows; a familiar sight indeed.

I went still, breath caught in my chest as a strong armored forearm pressed painfully against my neck. I knew that if I so much as breathed wrong, the razor-sharp tips of his other gauntlet would rip out my heart in seconds.

The glowing elf snarled low under his breath. "Why are you following me! Who sent you!"

I gasped, trying to draw clear breath and I realized he couldn't see past the damned wig. I would really have to kill Dorian now. Staring up into the familiar face of my friend, half betrayed half incensed, I carefully clasped the wrist at my ribs. It was almost physically painful to hold my instinct in check from mind-blasting him away from me. But I couldn't, it was, indeed my elfin friend, Fenris.

"Who are you!" He sneered, his face drawing closer and I finally managed to drag in a full breath to utter is name.

"Fenris…"

For a moment, he stayed there, growling, and then slowly his eyes widened, mouth parting in shock. "Hawke?"

Something solid hit the locked door beside us, but I was finally drawing a lungful of breath and Fenris was reaching up to yank the blond wig off my head. The lyrium glow ebbed until finally we were bathed in the warm golden light of the lamp above us. I saw his olive green eyes flicker with disbelief as he slowly reached up a hand, one sharp talon of his gauntlet skirting under a strand of my ebony black hair. It had grown an inch or so in the few months we'd been apart. But it was when his gaze met bright blue eyes that he seemed to believe what he was seeing. "You're here."

In hindsight it was probably a stupid way to say hello, but I quirked my mouth and offered him a perfunctory 'BOO!'

It was like striking a match. Instantly, a fiery blaze replaced shock in those big green eyes; I barely had time to mutter, "oh oh."

And then Fenris had attacked me.

But it wasn't with his glowing fist or the massive sword I'd given him that was strapped to his back, or his caustic barbs or the brooding glare that struck me. It was the crushing need of his embrace. One arm wound around my waist, one gauntlet fisting in my hair and I was suddenly dragged into the tightest hugs I had ever experienced. Wind rushed out of me, I could barely draw breath as his face buried itself into my neck, his breath harsh, and his talons digging into my flesh through the brocade of my borrowed dress.

I can't be sure if it was a few breaths or a lifetime, but the moment I felt the tremble of his bones, I could not help but wrap my own arms around him. He shuddered and I felt the give in his knees. Bracing us both firmly with my feet I stepped into him. Of all the people I called friend, I have never known Fenris to display such emotion. I was equally gratified in the need of his embrace and the fear of what could cause him to break past his own boundaries. A guttural plaintive moan left him and I was shaken to my very being. "Fenris?"

Outside, I heard Dorian pounding on the door, but I paid him no mind because Fenris gave me no time. There was a shaky breath against my neck. "You're alive," he whispered hoarsely, his arms still crushing me against him, the lyrium in his skin beginning to seethe.

A stab of surprise, I cautiously ran one hand over his back, hoping to soothe him. "Of course I am. I don't understa_ugn!" But my bewilderment at his behavior and his disbelief in my existence died in a shocked groan. His trembling lips had parted and his tongue smoothed against the hollow of my neck tasting me past the makeup and the floral perfume until he tasted the heat of my blood through my pores. I was Hawke.

The lyrium lines caught fire and swallowed us both.

Something heavy hit the door beside us, but something bigger was happening inside us. My fingers tightened into the leather back of his armor as the fist in my hair dragged my head back. The door splintered under the power of the stone fist as Dorian summoned the spell and I only got time enough to draw half a breath before Fenris' mouth robbed me of everything. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined this and I do have a wild sort of imagination. Looking back on it, I don't remember rationalizing it. I don't remember thinking we had never been like that. I don't remember protesting we were friends. I only remember the impossible heat of his mouth as his tongue slipped against mine in a wet slide of slow descent into madness I would never be cured of.

And I tried to match him. Maker only knows, how hard I tried, but Fenris is built for conquest and I found myself losing all sense of time and place. The entirety of my world narrowed until I felt nothing but the flames licking across my skin, the fire his mouth laced against mine and roar of my blood pounding in my ears.

"Raine!?"

I was rendered useless, but Fenris reacted with the speed of a viper. The sound of the male voice snapped his attention away, his mouth snatched away from mine as reality unkindly jolted us both. But where I fell back against the wall floundering for breath, Fenris twisted around to face the intruder, his body instinctively blocking mine from any danger as the large great sword swung out into a lethal arc before him.

"WHOA!" Dorian barely jumped back in time, his eyes wide as he took in both our forms; me splayed against the wall, lips kiss-swollen, eyes wild and dilated, breath uneven; Fenris glowing, snarling and ready to slice him open at the slightest hint of movement. Hands held up in surrender, Dorian took another cautionary step away from him. "Extremely sorry to interrupt old chap, but it seems you are in the possession of my shiny new friend. Would it be too much to ask if you could kiss her back to sensibility so that I might inquire just what in maker's name she is doing?"

Through the haze of my overloaded senses and magic reserves, I could make out the forced humor in Dorian's voice, feel the pulsing spirit magic in his fists and realized just how bad this could get.

One hand held steady against the wall, I lifted the other and gently placed it on my warrior elf's shoulder. "Fenris. It's okay. He's a friend."

The muscle vibrated underneath my fingers, but thankfully, albeit slowly – relaxed. The growling as well as the flash of lyrium seemed to draw back into Fenris until he let the tip of his sword slide down to the ground. He looked at me over his shoulder, his pupils finally shrinking to their usual size, the flash-fire of need ebbing until finally I saw a familiar flush of pink splash across his cheeks. His head tipped down, jaw hardened. "I…apologize," he grated out slowly. "I don't know what_" his voice cracked into a confused whimper, "this is not what I intended…I am…"

Something twisted deep in my gut and I tightened my hand on his shoulder and stepped out beside him. "Relax Fenris. We're among friends here. It's ok."

Meeting my eyes, his own brimming with confusion warring fear, he took a deep breath and nodded. The great sword slid back into its sheath. "Yes. Perhaps this is not the place for further discussion. We should leave the estate."

I raised an eyebrow. "You don't work here?"

His snort was accompanied by his usual contemptuous glare. "Do you mock me Hawke? You really think I would come back to this?"

I held back a smile. "Then, pray tell, what are you doing here?"

"Wait a minute!" Dorian interrupted his mouth slightly agape. "Hawke!? You're Hawke!? THE Hawke?"

Wincing at being discovered, I bent down and retrieved the poor wig and dusted it off. "Yes well, as Varric would say, that's a story for another day. I am in accord with Fenris; we should not linger."

Dorian eyed the two of us as we shuffled uncomfortably beside each other then rolled his eyes. "Are you sure you two wouldn't want another go at each other?"

Fenris nearly turned a shade redder than my scarf and I was a Hawke-puddle unto myself as I shoved the laughing Tevinter mage out of the door. "Everybody's a comedian."

To be continued…


	5. Chapter 5

My head was roaring and my face burning with mortification as I trailed behind the two men. I'd fallen a little out of step while Fenris and Dorian continued to argue Tevinter morality and politics. It was partly because I had no stomach to contribute to the debate and partly because I couldn't understand what in maker's name had gotten under my skin.

What had possessed me to return his kiss? It was the only question that kept repeating in my head. It ranked more complicated than the question as to why he had kissed me in the first place. We had never been like that. I mean sure, I'd have to be blind not to notice he was rather fine; his voice alone was something to stand up and take notice. In fact, I had often heard my companions comment on his fineness, Isabella in particular, on several occasions. But I had never perceived him as anything besides my tank warrior and friend. He had never indicated he felt anything more for me than loyalty and annoyance. To feel that unimaginable need and heat from him was unthinkable. What had changed?

If all of that was true, what had possessed me to return his kiss?

I watched him stalking in front of me; his strides confident and bold. Where before they had been bluster covering up his painful past, it now came across as something baser and intrinsic. He was indeed taller, more upright, and much more grounded. A part of me delighted in how far he'd come. I'd failed to notice the strides he'd made towards healing while I'd been blinded by all things Anders. I was angry with myself. I should have been more vigilant. Perhaps I'd missed something. From fleeing the burning cinders of Kirkwall to the sudden flare of heat between old friends; I'd definitely missed something.

Then there was the more disturbing idea that he'd thought I was dead. We had made it out of the city and were headed towards an abandoned watch tower that Dorian had set up for himself if he needed to flee. I was still unsure where I needed to go next and more than that I was unsettled with the prospect that perhaps Fenris would stay behind. Maybe had a life for himself.

The sudden crack of laughter brought me out of my daze and I looked up to see Dorian clap a hand on my elven friend's back. Fenris had a reluctant smirk on his face. I blinked at the two of them gazing up at me for an answer to a question I had probably missed during my musings. "I'm just surprised you both are still scratch-less." Let it not be said that Raine Hawke ever misses a beat. There was no way I wanted either of them to know how off-balance I was.

Dorian snorted. "Come Madam, you give us very little credit."

Fenris merely rolled his eyes. "I relented to the fact that I will never see him again."

"Never say never," I provided sagely and continued up the few steps that separated us at the entrance to the old abandoned tower. Gazing up at the graying stone covered with ivy I wrinkled my nose. "Nice place."

"Yes, well, this happens to be the only place I am welcome at the moment, so please." He gave an elaborate bow and opened the lock before pushing the door open. "After you."

Taking a deep breath and keeping my eyes averted from the elf who tied my head into knots, I stepped into the lower chamber that housed the massive spiral staircase. Behind me, I head Fenris step in gingerly with his bare feet, steeping around the broken glass and wood. There was a flare of warm light as Dorian lit a torch and we quietly followed him up the stairs to a hatch. Up into the top chamber was a roll of mattress in one corner a splatter of books in the other and a massive bear skin spread out before a small fire place. I couldn't help raise an eyebrow at the decadent rug and Dorian cleared his throat. "It was hard to part with. Don't judge me, I'm gay."

There was a strangled cough behind me and I muffled my snicker.

Dorian lit another torch before sliding his own into a metal rung. "Make yourselves at home. We might as well catch a breath before we head out to wherever it is we're all going."

I gratefully slumped into the bear skin on one side and noticed Fenris gingerly approach it from the other. Hyperaware of nearly everything he did, I kicked off my offending heels and began to massage my feet. "Are you headed to Redcliffe Dorian?"

Gathering his things into a satchel, the mage sighed tiredly. "For now. It is the least I can do for Felix."

Fenris sat with his arms propped on his knees. "If you plan coerce the mages to help you, I'm afraid you're headed into a lost cause. The fight between Templar and mage has gone well beyond the control of even this newly formed Inquisition."

"And yet, it is all I have to turn to." Dorian flopped down on the mattress. "I have to find a way to get an audience with our shiny new Herald of Antraste."

I couldn't help frown. "Are you serious? That's what they're calling her?"

"As opposed to the Champion of Kirkwall?"

I glared at the cheeky gibe from the elf. "Coming from the 'Lyrium Ghost' that's a bit condescending."

"We do so live in a world of glib titles," Dorian lamented only half-jokingly.

"There's nothing glib about claiming to be a prophet." It didn't sit well with me. "Why do you need her help?"

"I need someone to have my back." He looked at me hopefully and when I only looked back at him he grunted. "She will have to do. What about you Hawke? Where to?"

I couldn't help glance at Fenris. "I don't know…yet."

The elf frowned at me in the flickering light of the torches, his face foreboding. "If you think I'm going to let you out of my sight for even a breath, you're mistaken Hawke."

Startled by the vehemence of his claim I opened my mouth like a fish a few times before clearing my throat and looking away. "Well." And the heat in my face was back. Maker take me now.

I felt Fenris shift closer to me and the heat became a raging fire. "Where the hell have you been?"

I blinked at him in surprise. "Here, mostly. Although, I'm concerned as to why you seemed to assume I was dead?"

"You disappeared!" The elf came alight and I caught my breath as he glared at me. "We got word that an escaping ship from Lowtown went up in flames! We searched everywhere for you! Why would you do this to us Hawke! Why didn't you contact us! Why would you abandon us when we stood with you even when your abomination lover torched our lives!?"

Shocked by the venom and strength of his words, I came to my feet, my breath coming harsh under the accusations he flung at me. They stabbed somewhere deep and painful. I'd been answering all those questions inside myself all these months, but to suddenly be demanded explanation disintegrated my new-found calm. "How dare you! I never abandoned anyone! I walked out of the city that took everything from me and when I turned around I was alone! YOU abandoned ME!"

The elf was in my face in a second his snarl deep and gut-wrenching. "You were with Varric! When he was taken, why didn't you look for me? Or Isabella, or even Merrill! We stood at the gates to the gallows on the vessel we had taken before. I went out to search for you! Why didn't you come back to us!"

His rage was driving mine and I was more than willing to let it spiral away from us both, but something he said seemed to pull me back from the precipice. "Wait," my voice wavered, dread pooling in my gut as I took a step away from him, "what do you mean Varric was taken?"

"Have you had your head under a rock these past months, Hawke! The very seekers that started this blighted inquisition business took Varric from the city that night. They were looking for YOU!"

I stumbled, head shaking as Fenris' words sank in. "No. No I would have seen…I would have noticed…" Warm hands caught my elbows from behind as I stared at Fenris, my world tipping off its axis for a moment. Fenris winced and ran an unruly hand through his hair, his jaw hardening as he reined in his own fury.

Had I been so self-absorbed that I hadn't noticed the absence of my best friend? They had managed to take him from me from under my nose and I had not noticed? Had my misery and loneliness been a result of my own self-flagellation? Varric was taken because I'd had my head so far up my own arse that I'd failed to see it? How could I have been so selfish.

"It's my fault. I could have stopped them. But I was so bereaved, so angry at myself for believing Anders really wanted justice. True justice, not the one brought at the point of a sword, or staff blade, or whatever. I thought was so wretched for loving someone like him. Too wretched for even my friends. I was so blind. This is all my fault."

Dorian sighed behind me, his hands rubbing soothing circles on my arms. "I might not understand all that has transpired then my dear, but I do not think blaming yourself will make this better."

Looking up at him over my shoulder, my knees weak with the realization that I could have saved Varric, found my friends had I not been blinded by Ander's betrayal. It was shattering. "What could?"

"Fighting," Fenris interjected as he came to stand before me. "For your friends. For what you believe in. I have never known you to be complacent Hawke. And you will never be too wretched for your friends."

A bit heartened by his words, I had smacked him on the shoulder before I could stop myself. "What about you! You could have rescued him."

Snorting and rolling his shoulder as if shrugging my weak attempt to attack him, he spoke slowly. "We tried. The pirate wench even managed to track him down and made contact." Crossing his arms, he gave me a nonchalant little smirk. "He was fine. It seems the Seekers have more honor than we gave them credit for. Last we heard, he was cared for in their custody and seemed to be completely content in remaining there. Then the heavens cracked and everything went to hell."

"So he's alright." Something seemed to uncoil inside me and I finally took a step away from Dorian with a grateful smile.

"Until before the veil magic went berserk, yes."

"Let me get this clear," Dorian stroked his chin, eyes narrowed calculatingly at the uppity elf. "You happen to have a contact in the Inquisition."

Fenris' smirk melted into a glower. "I want no part of your machinations magister!"

"Come now ser, you cannot abandon us now. We want your help."

"We?" I turned to the shifty mage with my hands on my hips. "Really, we?"

Wrapping a compelling arm around my shoulders, he proceeded to make a team of us. "Of course we! You are worried about your friend Hawke and I find myself equally worried about him now. What if the Seekers have been brainwashing him? It is only right we go make sure, yes?"

I shook my head, marveling at the man's ability to twist anything to his grotesque whim. "Yes, you do seem destroyed over it."

"Then it's settled! Your prickly friend here will take leave from whatever it is that he's doing and join us in provisioning a way into this inquisition camp. Brilliant plan! You both are dears for suggesting it. I will prepare the horses."

I opened my mouth to protest but he was already disappearing through the hatch with a wiggle of his fingers and a jaunty little grin.

"Balls."

Fenris snorted with laughter. "Fitting."

The air in the room seemed to grow warm and constricting and I swallowed my suddenly dry throat.

"So…"

The elf winced as I spoke rather tremulously and interrupted with a raised hand before I could continue. "Before you say it, I have no idea what prompted me to kiss you Hawke." I had meant to ask what he'd been doing these past months but he turned away from me, his rich dark skin tinged with pink. I let him continue pacing in front of the fire as I had seen him do on occasion in his mansion. "I…we all assumed you had sunk with the ship. There were people who said they saw you headed towards it. I…we mourned your loss. I…fastavas!" He kicked an abandoned book and gripped the edges of the fireplace mantle until his knuckles turned white. "I thought I'd lost you," his voice cracked and my heart ached with the pain. "You were my only, true, friend Hawke. I didn't know what to do without you. I had…nowhere to go. I didn't know where I belonged after being pulled from your back. I always had your back and you always had mine. You would draw them in and I would strike them down. It had become second nature to me. I didn't know how to do it without you. I…we all didn't know where to go."

I'd walked to him of my own violation and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I am sorry."

Still facing away from me, his head bent towards the fire, he sighed. "The slippery mage is right. You are not to blame. You had been hurt in a way I can only imagine." He turned and I smiled slightly when I realized what was coming next. "Of course, it's pointless to say, I did tell you so."

Laughing despite myself and I was suddenly overjoyed to see some things never changed; thankfully. "Pointless."

The corner of his mouth twisted up. "I guess I was just so happy to see I wasn't the only one wandering the wicked bowels of Tevinter. Hardly the place I'd thought to find a friendly face."

"You make it a habit to kiss every friendly face you meet?" I smirked jeeringly.

"I'm rediscovering the pleasures life has to offer," his eyes glistened with tease and his voice dropped an octave to a husky rumble I'd never heard before from him.

I couldn't help the very audible gulp. Holy mother of partha; when did my socially awkward elf find innuendo? "Uh…"

Smiling at my eloquence, he lifted one hand and brushed his fingers gently along my jaw until I couldn't help the shiver. "I like the dress Hawke. You should keep it."

Swaying under the sudden onslaught of his sexy voice and deliberate flirting, I watched him step away and offer me a rather gallant bow. "I will leave you to change for our travels."

Something was happening. Something was coming apart at the seams inside me and it was nothing like I'd felt before. There was a hot pool of fear and excitement brewing in the pit of my stomach that had nothing to do with the possible unknown future I was stepping into and everything to do with who I was stepping into it with. And Fenris smirked as if he knew the effect he had on me as she moved through the hatch in the floor.

"Don't worry Hawke, this promises to be a great adventure."

When the hatch fell back in place I was snapped out of my trance and let the panic flood over me. I whimpered and flopped back down onto the bearskin. Maker's breath!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END?… perhaps. I don't know. I haven't really thought about it, maybe there will be more, this story is kind of getting away from me and writing itself. What do you guys think


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On popular demand I continue. Thank you to everyone you encouraged this journey. I'm leaving it up to our Trio to write the rest of this story. Let's hope Fenris, Hawke and Dorian have some interesting things up their sleeves. Enjoy!

I hadn't seen the breach in the sky this close before. There was a strange pull to it that seemed to tether itself to my ribcage. It was a tug that neither escalated, not ebbed, but stayed distressingly present. The horses was uneasy ever since we journeyed into Fereldan. We had ventured through the dales and encountered ravaged villages, fought demons as they appeared until reaching the foot of the Frostback Mountains. Everywhere similar tears in the veil occurred, demons poured out. We had tried to suppress them at one point but there was no end to them. We had to rescue whomever we could and abandon the area.

As we traveled further into Fereldan the news started to come in.

The Herald of Andraste was on the move. She had managed to stop the large breach in the sky from growing and closed several smaller ones around the Hinterlands. I couldn't help the curiosity as it took me with its tide. A woman of unknown origin who had the ability to sew back the tears of the veil itself. I couldn't help wonder who she was. Furthermore, I couldn't figure out why Varric was still in Haven. From what we'd gathered, the dwarf had been accompanying the Herald to Hinterland. "Damn you Varric, what the hell are you thinking?"

"Do you think anyone really knows the paths the dwarf's mind can take?"

Looking over my shoulder I watched Fenris maneuver his horse closer to mine and instantly caused a flutter in my belly. Exasperated with myself, I frowned at my elven companion. "Why did Isabella leave him there anyway?"

"Varric chose to stay."

"Why? It is not like him to go running into certain death."

"Did he not follow you for the better part of the last decade?"

I scowled at him. "So did you."

He floundered for brief moment before fixing me with a smirk. "I enjoy following you."

Perhaps my horse tripped, but I wobbled in my saddle for a second before I could grab the reins more firmly and steadied myself. "You're doing that on purpose."

There was a rich rumble of laughter from him before he fixed me with his best 'who me' look. He didn't quite pull it off. "It's good I can still take pleasure in simple things."

His familiar words brought a smile to my face despite the sudden cloud of despondency. "So how have you been decorating the walls in Tevinter?"

"Putting down slavers mostly."

We plodded along the road that moved up towards the mountain, grass giving way to snow. "Ah," I nodded and reached into my satchel for my scarf as the wind began to pick up, "the trail of bodies was yours I take it?"

"I didn't have you to keep me amused."

Turning to him with shocked amusement, I chuckled. "I amused you, did I?"

"You did manage to slide down an entire flight of the steps in Hightown square in broad daylight."

The memory brought a full-bellied laugh. "They were covered in blood! I slipped!"

"You bowled over two guards. One of them broke a rib and the other had to be rushed to the infirmary for stiches. He couldn't sit for a week!"

Tears were forming in my eyes as I tried to breathe through my laughter. Not once did I bother to hold myself back, not even when Dorian shot us curious looks over his shoulder. I let it all out. It had been ages since I'd laughed. The fact that it was Fenris would had managed to do it was ironic in itself. Perhaps I had been wrong to isolate myself. I should have stayed in Haven. Perhaps my wounds would have closed faster with my friends around.

I took a deep breath and shook my head. "Avaline was furious."

"When is that woman not furious?"

"When she's around Donnic."

"Hmph," Fenris languished back in his saddle, one hand wrapped around the horn of his saddle, "he still owes me fifty silvers in wicked grace."

The memory of us surrounding our usual table at the Hangedman made me smile. "We had some good days."

"Perhaps those are the ones to be remembered."

I shot him a sidelong glance. "When did you become such an optimist?"

"When you finally got your head out of your arse and knifed that abomination." The cloud of darkness was back. The spikey elf sighed. "You did the right thing Hawke. He misled us all. You cannot keep blaming yourself. He fooled you as well."

A muscle worked in my jaw. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Yes," he scowled, "because not talking about Seheron would have certainly helped me. Our pain doesn't define us Hawke, but it does teach us a good lesson in what not to do."

"What do want me to do?"

A hand reached out and grabbed mine where it was nearly white with strain. I looked at his startled, my eyes caught in his emerald gaze. "Live. You helped me out of the darkness once. Let me do the same for you. Speaking of our pain does lessen the lance of it. I remember your lessons well."

He was right of course. I offered him a brave smile as he let go of my hand. "I did think of it, you know."

"Letting him live?"

I nodded, guiding my horse carefully up a slippery rock face. "I didn't think I had any right to judge him."

"You had the perfect right Hawke. He betrayed you as he betrayed his kind. Mages today are hunted and persecuted even more than they had been."

I finally spoke the words I had dreaded all my life. "The circles have failed. Confining mages has only left them open to further abuse. The Templars are not the answer."

"And you think Tevinter is?"

I glared at him. "You know I don't think that. There has to be a balance. We cannot control the mages."

"So we must comply with them?"

"No! We must work with them." I guested up to the breach with a wave of my hand. "That thing in the sky is killing without discrimination. The conclave took lives of Templar and Mage both. Don't you see? This is no longer a war between the Templar and the Mages."

"That thing in the sky is the very embodiment of magic gone wrong Hawke!"

"Exactly! It is bad magic. Just like there are corrupt Templars. But it is magic. You cannot sooner cut off a limb than eradicate magic from our world. This is the world we live in Fenris and I have spent my entire life trying to avoid this very problem. My parents were taken from me because of this stupid war between us. I lost Anders to it. I lost everything to it." Looking up at him, I met his eyes with a silent request of understanding. "I am also a mage and yet you see past it." The incredulity of our situation made me chuckle. "You're traveling with a would-be Tevinter Magister and we're going to help save the world again. Things are changing Fenris. So must we."

He was contemplative for a while. "Perhaps."

I couldn't help the smile.

"Finally taking a side, are you?"

Looking up at Dorian grinning at me, I sighed. "Meddler."

"Come now, Hawke. We're almost there. Let's hope this Herald is ready for us."

I was about to open my mouth and reprimand him for eavesdropping when the explosion rocked the very ground from beneath our feet as the roar of the dragon echoed from a distance. Heads snapping around we started down into the valley as the flares of torches began to come into view. "Maker, what is that?"

An answer would have come but a shadow rose from the horizon and swept over us and towards the mountain top.

"Dragon!"

Eyes wide, we watched it ascend the mountain, its wings mottled and rotting. "It looks like an Archdemon."

"That's impossible!" Dorian held the reins of his horse as it reared up in fear. "That is an army marching towards Haven. We must warn them if they haven't seen it!"

Another explosion resounded from above us as Fenris spoke above the din. "We may already be too late!"

"We need to get up there, now!" Digging my heels into the sides of my horse, I launched it forward up the trail. Dorian and Fenris rode behind me as the screams of battle began anew.

To be continued…


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for keeping the reviews coming! This is turning into a monster of a story. I hope you keep reading :)

We found Varric. I only had a brief moment across the expanse of the battlefield to catch him. Bianca was raised high and arrows rained on his enemies; an elven mage stood at his back firing fireballs into the fray. As the bodies came up flying I caught a huge horned beast that could only be a Qunari and the most peculiar sight of a thin boned, elven woman with startling long red hair pulled up on one side of her head, the other shaved in what could only be a clear rebellion. Her daggers cut through nearly anything in her path.

"HAWKE!"

I turned just in time to duck an oncoming cart set aflame by an explosion behind me. Fenris' hand caught my arm with punishing force. "Where's your head!"

I placed my own on his hand and offered him an apologetic smirk. "Sorry! I found Varric. He's alive."

"I need help!"

Snapping around, I saw Dorian reaching for a badly bruised man clad in white robes. Summoning a barrier around my companions, I let the light of mana glisten in my palms as a group of mages rushed towards us. "Help Dorian, we need to get the wounded to the Chantry! I saw Cullen headed there!"

"Cullen?" Fenris' eyebrows raised but he was already rushing towards our Tevinter friend who had apparently found a fallen chantry chancellor.

It was a nightmare. We'd arrived in Haven only to find chaos and blood. My mana reserves were taxed, Fenris' lyrium lines were hissing with overuse. Even Dorian was panting with strain. The battle was endless. It was obvious the inquisition was in over its head and about to be blotted out of existence. Soldiers and Templars were being cut down by the strange demons and an army of mages. One dying woman had enough breath to answer Dorian as he demanded answers. These were the mages from Redcliffe. Alexius had joined the Elder one Felix had spoken of and was being led by a Venatori mage named Calpernia.

It took us more than few grueling minutes to climb up the pathway to the chantry. We lost track of Varric and his troupe. The chancellor named Roderick was ashen with blood loss.

"Hawke!?"

Inside the Chantry, I was trying to find enough mana to heal Roderick and looked up as Cullen rushed up to me. "No time for chit chat Cullen, Roderick here has spoken of a tunnel that leads out of the chantry, we need to start moving people out of here before that wretched dragon breaks through!"

Dorian placed a hand on the Chancellor's shoulder as the man groaned in pain. "Commendable of you old man. You held your ground. Not bad for a chantry poof."

Cullen seemed to hesitate before nodding. "I need to stay here to make sure the Herald is safe, you can start moving the wounded."

My grin was sardonic but helpless considering the circumstance. "No time for pleasantries then. Stay safe Cullen, I have a lot of questions." Dorian carefully maneuvered the Chancellor's arm over his shoulder and hoisted the man as Fenris assisted from the other side.

"As will Cassandra I'm sure," he muttered unhappily.

I raised an eyebrow as the people began to follow Dorian, but I caught Cullen's arm before he could move back towards the main door. "A word of caution Cullen; I don't know what business you have with the inquisition, but I swear if a hair is pulled out of that magnificent chest of Varric's, I will personally snatch you baldheaded."

The former Templar swallowed and cleared his throat. "Right."

Mouth spreading into a wide grin, I winked and ran out after Dorian and Fenris. As we maneuvered the injured and weak through the dark underground tunnels I couldn't help but sigh in defeat. There was no way I could stay out of this. The inquisition becoming my business now as it was of everyone else who lived in Thedas.

And then the entire mountain came down on us.

The Herald was lost. What little remained of us, we managed to find a clearing to settle the wounded and start setting up a basic camp. I had been trying to set a break in a woman's leg when the shout of my name came. Head snapping up, my heart warmed as I saw the dwarf trudging up through the snow, his eyes wide with relief. I nodded at the healer who had been helping me and rose to greet my friend with open arms. "Varric!"

But the dwarf barreled into me, grabbed my wrist and proceeded to drag me behind a makeshift tent, his face furious. "What in Partha's beard are you doing here!?"

Frowning down at him, I yanked my wrist out of his grasp and glared down at him with half a mind to kick him in his tiny shins. "Oh I am overjoyed to see you too, how nice of you to say."

The flaxen haired dwarf watched me for a moment then stepped forward as if to embrace me, but then thought better of it and took my hand. "Ah hell Hawke, you know I'm glad to see you." His eyes ran over me to make sure that was the case and the corner of his mouth tilted up for a moment. "You look shockingly well for someone who's been to Tevinter."

Mouth dropping open, I stared at him in shock. "You knew!?"

Snorting the dwarf examined his gloves nonchalantly. "Please, this is me you're talking to. And before you ask, yes; I didn't tell Rivaini because I figured you needed some time. I knew you'd turn up eventually. In fact, it was better you stay hidden for now. Which brings me to my original question."

Dropping to my knees, I threw ceremony to the wind and wrapped my arms around my friend's neck. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed Varric. He always knew what I needed and I couldn't imagine what would have happened if I hadn't found him; if something had happened to him. The guilt and relief was enough to bring tears to my eyes and I held him tightly even as he awkwardly chuckled at my rather emotional display. Finally, when he realized I wasn't in the mood for our usual jovial propriety, his arms wrapped around my back. "I am overjoyed to see you Hawke," he chuckled into my shoulder.

With an embarrassed sniffle, I fell back onto my knees and gazed up at him. "I am so sorry."

Smiling, his thumb made a smooth pass on my chin before he chucked it gently. "There will never be any need for apologies between us Hawke. Cassandra has been surprisingly gentle with me and there was no way in hell I was giving you up to the Seekers. You're my favorite Hawke after all."

Laughing, I placed one hand on his shoulder and rose to my full height. "Don't let my brother hear you say that."

"How is junior?"

I sighed. "Well, I hope. I wrote to him before leaving Tevinter; I'm trusting he and Stroud are safe with all this Venatori madness."

"Hmmm," Varric frowned and shook his head. "Madness it is. You know the Elder One they keep talking about; you'll never guess who's back from the dead."

Groaning, I held up my hands. "Please don't tell me it's Meredith."

"I don't know if it's any better, but remember that crazy trip to the Grey Warden prison? There might be reason to get in touch with Junior after all."

Dread pooled in my belly when I realized the adventure he'd been talking about. "You're not serious."

Varric sighed dejectedly. "The mother of all blight, yeah. Corypheus."

"Don't you mean father? But I digress." We turned to see Fenris duck under a tethered rope as he stalked up to Varric. "I have some words for you Varric."

"Broody!" Raising his hand in surrender, shoulders shaking even under the venomous wrath in his friend's eyes, Varric ducked behind me. "How've you been, buddy?"

"Don't buddy me!" The lyrium lined elf hissed as he tried to get around me and catch the slippery dwarf. "You kept her hidden from us!"

"Come now broody pants, I kept her hidden from everyone! That was the whole point! Awo! Watch were you snatch!"

Rolling my eyes, I finally stepped into Fenris, my hands on his chest, pushing him away from the dancing dwarf behind me. "Calm yourself Fenris. It is alright."

One hand wrapped around my bicep, he still snarled over my shoulder, but did stop trying to reach around me. "It is NOT alright."

"I would love to debate this until drinks are served, but we don't have the luxury of time," Varric interrupted our reunion. "Cullen and Cassandra have thankfully found the Herald and I left them to retrieve her so I could come talk to you before they arrive Hawke."

I turned back to the serious tone of my friend's voice and frowned. "I'm assuming this Cassandra is the Seeker who took you; I also have some choice words for her."

Shaking his head, Varric took my hand and for the first time I saw the foreboding in his eyes. "It isn't like you think. Yes, she took me, but things are different now. Much more complicated." He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Look emotions are heightened now and although I am greatly relieved to you have you at my side again, you cannot stay here."

"Is she in danger?" Fenris' hand tightened on my arm and a rush of butterflies exploded in my chest. Damn them! I was a grown woman! It was just so very wrong on so many levels. I had lived through duels to the death, assassination attempts, coups. I had survived the Qunari, the Circle and raving mad Templars. It was lunacy to have adolescent butterflies fluttering around in my belly.

"Not from the inquisition, no. But there is a lot going on at the moment and I need to speak with the Herald, Lavellan, before I bring you in to talk to her Hawke. We can't find the Grey Wardens and everything's broken right now. We have been driven out of our stronghold, and we've lost so many good people."

I felt a twinge of jealousy. Varric said 'we' with such ease. I had thought I'd find my friend and everything would go back to the way it was. The way Fenris had come back to my side, although, that wasn't the way it was either. I realized now that Varric's path might be diverging from my own. Perhaps it had been fate that took him from my side. He spoke of old nightmares and fallen Tevinter magisters while I felt the world change around me. Corypheus' return and the tears in the veil were machinations that would plunge us back into the unknown. With a deep breath, I nodded at my dwarven friend. "What do you suggest?"

"Give us time to regroup."

"Might I make a suggestion?"

Looking up, we watched Dorian saunter up to our party. "This reunion is charming and all but perhaps a bit ill-timed. The mages are coming from Redcliffe. From what I could gather, Alexius has managed to waylay them to his cause. Perhaps if we could persuade Alexius to give up this fool-quest, there might be a way to break ranks in this Corypheus chap's army. It might also buy us a few days until your friend sets the stage for us to speak with the Herald." Dorian grinned at Varric. "Varric Tethras, I presume."

"You presume correctly," Varric frowned. "But you realize Sparkler, there's room for only one excellent-witted sidekick in this story, right?"

A perfect eyebrow arched as Dorian turned to me with a lopsided smile. "Is he for real?"

Shaking my head, I purposefully took a step away from the enticing heat of the elf still attached to my arm and cleared my throat. "Unfortunately. So we're headed to Redcliffe, then?"

"Let me know if you hear back from Junior. I'll raven you. For now, wait here; I will bring you what supplies I can scrounge." Varric walked around the tent that concealed us before turning to glance over his shoulder. "Try not to die for real this time Hawke, this story is just getting started."

Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms and grumped. "Yes, yes; get on with it. And make sure you bring me a decent coat, I'm freezing my tits out here."

Fenris coughed behind me and Varric burst out laughing. "That's the Hawke I love. Hang in there sweetcheeks, I'll be back in a jiffy."

I turned to the red-faced Fenris. "What?"

The elf merely put his face in his hand and groaned.

To be continued…


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay folks. My life had me by the...er toes :P Promise not to slack off again. Thanks to all my readers who reviewed! This is all for you and because of you. MUAH!

"Blast, damn, bullocks and balls!"

Fenris and Dorian were having a trying time climbing over the steep hillside, but I was having a tantrum worthy of a four year old child. I could have reined it in, but I had no desire to. To find my best friend embroiled in my family's business was just the cherry on my already morose cake. My father had been the one who had helped the Grey Warden, Larius, strengthen the seals on Corypheus' prison. It was his use of blood magic that eventually meant I had to be called to release him. If I had known then that killing the bastard wasn't going to kill the bastard, I would have spent the day in bed!

"Will you not let it go?"

"No!" I half turned into my saddle, jostling Fenris behind me, who had to duck his head away before I smashed my skull into his nose. The poor horse we were sharing whinnied in protest as I accidentally yanked on his reins. And that was another thing. Varric had managed to find two horses. TWO! That meant that I would have had to share said beast with one of my companions. Although, I had suggested they share, but both men had proceeded to glare at me and secure a separate horse for each. That left me with the unpleasant decision of who to sit with. I realize now, I should have accepted Dorian's hand. As it were, my arse was on fire as was every other infernal inch of me that seemed to touch the elf. And it was a lot.

Dorian rolled his eyes as I practically climbed back to strangle him. "Yes, Corypheus is alive. We know you tried to kill the thing, but_"

"Try shry!" I scowled. "I killed it! He lay there in a bloody lifeless little mess. I even poked him with a stick! Ask him, he was there!" I stuck out my hand to gesture to Fenris, who ducked once more with a sigh and caught both my arms.

"Will you kindly stop trying to take my head off Hawke?" Forcefully securing both my hands back on the horn of the saddle he sighed, leaning his head against the back of mine. "The lyrium lines were less painful," he muttered.

I glared down at his hands where they gripped the reins around me. "Tell him."

"She speaks the truth. We killed the demon for sure."

"Then how do you explain it gallivanting up and down the Frostback mountains?"

"I don't know," Fenris capitulated. "He was very old magic."

"I have a fair idea," I grumbled still spiraling in the lack of control over current events. "The damned Grey Warden we helped in Vinmark, Larius, disappeared. Varric said that the seeker had been looking for him to verify our claim to the incident, but he never returned to the order. I can only speculate, but that blighted creature probably piggybacked with him because of the taint. We didn't kill it, only weakened it and the wards around his prison. Then we provided the perfect vessel for him to simply walk out of that prison as he pleased."

Fenris' voice was contemplative behind me. "Are you saying it was deliberate?"

"Think of it, Fenris! We don't know how long he'd been down there corrupting the minds of the Grey Wardens. There's no telling how much he has been controlling. Janeka and Larius could have been puppets like the carta dwarves. He wanted me on that mountain! He needed me to get free and I walked right into it! Damn, nug shit, bronto tesMUMPH!"

There was a husky chuckle against my hair and every follicle suddenly stood on end. "You have a beautiful mouth Hawke, but your tongue might need some scrubbing."

Shiver going down my spine, I wondered if the blasted elf had any idea what those words combined with the natural seductive rhythm of his voice could do. I figured not. He meant them innocently enough, I was sure; and the hand around my mouth. I'm sure. There was no way he could make our situation worse. We were humiliatingly crammed into the same saddle with a growing…er…attraction between us. He just couldn't be that cruel. Could he?

While Fenris and I both tried to remain cool, Dorian jauntily guided his horse up the grassy hills that lead to Redcliffe. "Anyhow, it will be good that we arrive before daybreak. We must discretely find a way to the Gull and Lantern. The tavern ought to provide some well-needed rest and sustenance until I manage to track Alexius down. Oh how I miss my bear rug."

My horse rose up a sharp incline and elicited a sharp breath from both the elf and me.

"Wow, this road sure is bumpy. How're you two doing?"

"Peachy." I answered Dorian with gritted teeth, sitting absolutely still. "Are we there yet?"

Andraste's flaming arse, if Fenris moved another muscle I was going to kill myself. However, the lack rest and the race up Frostback Mountains had eventually drained me enough to numb everything. It didn't take me long to succumb to the exhaustion singing in my veins. The steady rocking of the horse didn't help either.

I dreamed of fire and screams. I dreamed of fevered breaths and my mother's lifeless face on another woman's shoulders. I dreamed of my sister in the fist of the ogre. But nothing was worse than reliving the shock of betrayal on my lover's face.

"It can't be that bad."

How dare you disagree?! My inward indignation was vehement. Then I realized the conversation in my dreams was not the same as the one I was hearing. Eyes opened a crack to realize that I was still swaying on the horse that was not traveling a dirt road.

"You have no idea magister." There was a soft rumble against my forehead and the dark haze of my dreams slowly cleared. My forehead pressed against the side of Fenris' face, I saw the landscape slowly go by. One of his arms was wrapped around my waist to keep me in place as I sat cuddled into him like it was the most natural thing in the world.

If you chose to believe me, I didn't remain quiet because I meant to eavesdrop. I remained quiet because it was the most peaceful I'd felt since this whole mess began. It was just so nice to be held, to feel protected. To feel that I could sleep without regard to what could take me in the night. And the sold reassurance of the elf behind me was the cause. If I had known how warm and cuddly he was even with all those spikes, I would have done this sooner. But as it were, I silently listened to their conversation as they assumed I was still asleep.

"For the last time, I am NOT a magister!" Dorian hissed back at my friend, obviously frustrated by Fenris' ability to be stubborn. He'd learn eventually. Unstoppable force meats immovable object. That's Fenris.

"It doesn't matter."

"It does!" Dorian sounded affronted. "I would have been a magister and I would have been lavishing in some silk sheets right this moment had I not decided my morals were more important than my luxuries. Can you at least respect that, you long-eared mule!"

A chuckle rumbled in Fenris' chest. "Resorting to name calling already?"

"Hmph." I nearly smiled when I imagined how Dorian must have slumped in his saddle. "You are impossible. And judgmental. I was merely returning the favor."

"How does that feel now?"

"Petty. Fine. Let's just decide now. I am merely Dorian, and you are merely Fenris."

"Merely."

Dorian sighed. "Anyway, why Fenris?"

"Slaves rarely get to choose."

"You do."

This time it was my elf that sighed. "It's complicated." When Dorian didn't comment Fenris continued, albeit reluctantly. "It was the name my mas…Danarius gave me."

"Wait….you are THAT elf?"

Fenris bristled. "That elf?"

"Well, we heard rumors. Danarius never returned. There was a lot of sickness found in his house when they eventually repossessed it. No one had heard of him or his apprentice." Dorian sounded contemplated, regretful and perhaps a little impressed. Fenris must have noticed.

"I was a result of his sickness. He lined my body with lyrium for his personal use, then he tied me to himself with a tight leash. The process itself was…painful. I remember nothing from before." I grit my teeth as Fenris recounted the story with less detail than he had to for me. But, that he was speaking of it to Dorian, meant that he had healed enough to speak of it to other people now. It was encouraging. I wanted to turn around and hug him.

Dorian's voice was quieter than his whispers even. "I…don't know what to say, but that, I now understand your animosity. We had no idea he had gone so far."

"You mean you didn't care."

"I am sorry for what was done to you Fenris. Despite what you might think of me; I am very sorry for what he did. I would only say this – had I been there, I would have killed myself."

I could feel the tremble in my friend and the hardening of his jaw against the need to hold back the pain, the words to strike back at Dorian. But he didn't. "Thank you."

"But be content my friend, your name is a good one."

"The little wolf?"

Dorian let out a muffled laugh. "Oh there's nothing little about you, I am sure! No, do not glare at me. I have eyes, but that is not my point. Fenrir is Arcanum for wolf alone; and a rather ferocious and one at that. One that is fabled to defeat the most powerful god. I would think Danarius a fool for giving you such a fierce and strong name. He foretold his own demise. You should be proud of it my friend. The name certainly suits you."

"That's what she said." I couldn't help the twitch of my mouth. Thank the Maker I was facing away from them.

"So," Dorian sounded purposefully mirthful as he spoke after a while. "You and Hawke."

I nearly spun on him at the insinuating sing song voice, but something held me back. Told me to listen. Told me to be patient.

Fenris groaned. "Not that again."

"There's a story there. I can taste it! You must tell it."

"I must?"

"Come now, we are friends now; as ironic as it might seem to you. That was quite the hello you gave her." I could almost see the wiggle of his eyebrows in my mind's eye.

"There is no Hawke and me."

Something clenched in my chest.

"The tongue you had down her throat might beg to differ."

"Filthy mage. It is none of your business," Fenris didn't sound angry, just disgruntled

"Oh but we are friends! It is my duty to pry."

"Fine. If only to shut you up. We will never speak of this again." Fenris relented with a sigh.

"Agreed."

"Hmph. It is true; there was never a Hawke and me. So to speak. We have been…are…friends, I suppose. Yes." Fenris finally amended with more confidence. "We are friends. It started out that way, but it appears to be complicated now."

"No shit…ahem. Sorry. Continue."

"…regardless; Hawke is the one who truly freed me from my shackles. And it was not just because she helped me defeat Danarius, but also because she brought me out of the darkness. I was, perhaps still a little so, a bitter and wounded animal. Hawke being a mage; we have a volatile past to say the least. We didn't always agree. Mostly, we disagreed. But that never changed that she never left my side. I would push her away, but she would be there; smiling, offering help, bringing me gifts, teaching me to read…helping me heal. She changed my world. From being an escaped slave she brought me into a…family. Friends. Trust. Even affection. I had…never let anyone touch me since my escape."

"Sounds like a Hawke and you."

"Ufff! Listen closely mage! Hawke belonged to another. I was merely one of her troupe."

Oh Fenris, I lamented inwardly. You were never merely part of my troupe. We really were friends. I had been invested in his recovery. I really had wanted to bring him back to sunshine and in him I'd found a quiet companion, that although riled up everything inside me, would always have my back. Always.

"Er…she did kiss you back my friend."

"…yes."

"With tongue."

"I know," Fenris growled back low under his breath. "Must you soil it that way? Hawke and I were friends."

"Were?"

"I…things...changed, I suppose."

"With you?"

"I didn't know at first. I have no experience with such things. Even friendship was a label she had to explain to me. It…crept up on me, to be honest."

"You remember when?"

"Hmmm…yes. In fact I do. Once Danarius was dead, Varric came to see me with our friend Avaline. They had sorted out my borrowed mansion in Kirkwall with the authorities and the asked me a question I had no answer to. My business was done. The monster was gone from my back. I was…free."

"And yet you weren't?"

"It is the oddest thing. I was free. Free to leave. Free to do whatever I pleased. I knew Hawke would not object. She might have even encouraged it. But the thought of living without her…"

Fenris trailed off in that husky voice that spoke volumes. My heart stilled in my chest for a bit and my breath caught. It was a second later when it began to beat again that I couldn't hold my shuttered breath. The two men went silent and I realized I would have to make my waking up a fine drama. With a groan and a roll of my spine, I stretched and groggily peered at them through heavy lidded eyes. "Are we there yet?"

The elf behind me relaxed marginally; obviously relieved I had not heard his confession. Dorian as usual grinned at me. "Now that you're awake. About the kiss…"

Gritting my teeth and wishing I could reach over and strangle him, I glared daggers at him. "It was a moment."

"Pity." Dorian clip clopped ahead. "You two looked smashing with your tongues tangled so deliciously."

Fenris' forehead touched the back of my head with a defeated sigh.

I, on the other hand, did not bother reining in my vengeful answer.

When Dorian's coattails caught fire, his horse threw him.

To be continued…


	9. Chapter 9

Where we had thought to find a rustic little town, instead we found only death and destruction. From our ride up the trail that led to the entrance to Redcliffe Village, there was the sound of wounded dying. A wave of nausea and guilt wracked my already over taxed frame.

"Do not dwell on it."

The soft murmur warmed something deep in my belly. Or perhaps it was my heart because it had sunk quite low as the wounded mages lined the streets of Redcliff village. I knew there were always two sides to every war and perhaps these mages deserved it for siding with that abomination magister turned god, but it was hard to be righteous with so many dead or dying.

A warm, calloused hand wrapped around mine on the horn of the saddle and squeezed. I gratefully leaned back into the strength of him and Dorian guided his horse beside us in silence.

"Are you the healer?"

Head snapping down I saw an elf grab into one of our supply satchels. Fenris tensed behind me but I was already sliding off the horse, my hand on the young elf's shoulder. His hands were covered in blood. "I am a healer."

"It is the grand enchanter. She is…we don't know what to do."

"Calm yourself serah. My name is Raine."

"I am Lysas."

There was a warning growl behind me. "Ha…Raine, don't."

"Then stay with me Fenris," I answered his unasked question, looking up into his fathomless green eyes resolutely. I was tired and bruised and probably one of the reasons some of these people were dying. It was hard to tell who was Venatori at the moment and I had to do what I could.

"We have little time for your compassion Raine."

I was already headed up a flight of steps towards a dark cottage with a solitary lamp flickering inside. "Then find your teacher Dorian. Make use of the time you have; let me do what I do best."

Fenris looked up at the Tevinter mage and sighed. "Go. We will meet you at the Gull and Lantern when we can."

Inside the small house a young woman was rushing about rinsing bloody bandages. Lysas led me around a wooden wall that separated the house partially. I watched the odd tilt of his leg and touched his elbow. "You've broken something."

"You can tend to me later, please see to Fiona first!"

With Fenris' reassuring shadow behind me, I quickly made my way to the cot and got my first look at the elven woman between the bloody sheets. There was a gash that was open around her jaw, bone barely held together. A rather small but sharp blade had probably cut through tendon and flesh because there was no anchor as the woman gurgled with bloody breath.

Before I could even think to call onto my spirit magic, I reached into her throat and cleared it with two fingers so she wouldn't choke.

"It will fill with blood again, we must seal the wound." I called the harried young woman who quickly brought me a bowl of water and gauze. For a moment I wished Anders had been around. He was so much more apt at fixing people than I had ever been. But the battles in Kirkwall and the endless march through the deep roads and managed to grant me enough experience to have a deep pool of healing mana. Calling onto the wisp of the spirit entity I had learned to command, I began my work. The life energy of the wisp was a cool blue hue that suffused through my hand as I ran it along the length of the wounded woman's body.

Behind me I could feel the apprehension washing over my elf companion. Fenris had argued many times over the benefit of calling anything from the fade even if it was a healing wisp. But he had relented to my iron clad will to not sway from my goal. I was not built for vengeance like Justice had been.

The grand enchanter had been attacked by a rogue with two blades. One with great skill. They had managed to render wounds that would slowly kill her. There was poison in her veins. I worked from the top. It took precise effort but the healing aura I surrounded the elven woman with, slowly began to bind flesh to bone. The young woman and Lysas held her down as the first scream of pain was allowed past her throat. I moved from her face, to her lungs, to her abdomen and eventually to the hemorrhaging internal organs.

I had nearly been taxed on the Frostback Mountains, but the trek to Redcliffe had restored most of my mana pool. Still, Fiona's injuries were extensive. By the time I had healed her enough to be able to survive the rest of her wounds, I was covered in sweat and out of breath.

When I finally leaned back in my little chair, she caught my hand. "You."

I frowned, my heart flinching in my chest when I realized she must have recognized me. Her clear grey eyes stared at me with conflicted emotions until eventually she released my hand with a sigh. "I am…there is no more need…"

When she stumbled over her words I rose from my chair and took a deep breath. "There will always be need for healing Grand Enchanter. Until this madness continues, there will always be need."

Her eyes skirted to mine with a tinge of guilt. "I did what I had to do."

Fenris spoke before I could stop him. "By selling yourself to the first Tevinter madman that came around?"

She took a moment to study him before nodding. "Yes. If that would save us."

"And did it?"

Meeting my gentler gaze she let the moisture pool in her eyes, her face contorting with pain. "Servitude is servitude. Either way we would be indentured. I had no choice."

"You did." I battled with tact until I realized there was no way to sugarcoat it. "You chose poorly Grand Enchanter. You sold yourself too cheap."

"What would you have me do?"

"Fight," I threw Fenris' word at her and realized just how true they rang. Then and especially now. I held her gaze purposefully. "No one should take away your freedom. Not even choice. I did not heal you because I feel guilt. I healed you because you deserve to live."

"And if I deserve to die?"

"Then I wouldn't be here." Mouth twisting into an ironic smile, I leaned down to wash my hands in the bowl of antiseptic. "Now," I looked up to see a small group forming at the lip of the cottage. "Who's next?"

I healed. And through it all, he stood beside me. On more than one occasion I felt the flare of his brands as the mana flowed into me. The first time he'd touched my shoulder as I worked had been like being struck with lightning. The force of his presence in the fields of my magic was immense. The sheer power that coursed through his body could barely be contained in my veins. Slowly though, I began to understand it. He leant me all he could; it was my job to moderate the effects. The bones aligned better, the flesh knit faster. Fenris helped heal more than I ever could.

It was nearly noon when I stopped.

Fiona had risen from bed, her own mana slowly rebuilding and aiding her recovery.

Fenris sat in a chair by the door; his head leaned back against the wall. He'd assumed the position to better protect me from intruders while I worked, but had fallen asleep a while ago. I wanted to move him to one of the makeshift beds but I was afraid to wake him. So while I replaced the armor I'd removed during the night, I watched him. Even in sleep his face was vigilant. It saddened me that he had none of the peace he deserved, even while he slumbered. It was an infinite itch to touch his face. The steady hum of his lyrium had become second nature in the space of a few hours. I missed having that connection with him, but more than that, I missed the trust he placed in me by lending me his strength.

"He is…magnificent."

The wave of jealousy washed over me so fast, that it left me reeling. Looking up at Fiona as she stood beside me, I had to allow myself a breath or two before speaking. "Yes. He is. He is also extremely dear to me." I knew the silent warning in my voice was as clear as the glint of foreboding in my eyes. "Not many of you would be standing here, if not for his aid."

"I did not mean it as a threat."

"Good." Lifting my staff, I twisted it skillfully in my hand before turning to her. "Have you had time to lament your rather poor judgement Grand Enchanter?"

"I have."

"And have you come to a conclusion?"

The woman seemed to struggle with her words for a moment. "I don't know. You have saved me. You have saved many of my people. I am no longer the Grand Enchanter now that I serve Magister Alexius. He is holding court in the village chantry, but it is not my position to negotiate."

"For me?" I snorted and struck the tip of my staff blade in the ground to hold it in place as I dusted my champion's mantle with great nonchalance. "Like I need help negotiating. I have held my own against an Arishok, a Templar commander and a grand enchanter. Trust me, I do need to be represented."

"Then how can I repay you?"

"Rat droppings."

The woman started. "Pardon me?"

Wrapping an arm around her narrow shoulders I grinned wickedly. "Tell me Grand Enchanter, any idea where I can find Sela Petrae?"

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: Sela Petrae is the ingredient Anders had Hawke digging up in rat droppings under the pretense that it would help free him from Justice. It is probably a reference to saltpeter which is used in gunpowder and explosives. Anders is very naughty and Hawke has a good memory.
> 
> The story is progressing along slowly. If it's too slow let me know. Thank you everyone for your feedback. Enjoy!


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

Fenris was furious. He'd stayed furious well into the first leg of my plan. Despite the gravity of what we were to face, he chose to stand behind me and glare me into oblivion. There was a constant crawl around my neck. Dorian had managed to meet with Felix and the news he brought back to the Gull and Lantern was dire. Felix had confirmed that Alexius had finally perfected the art of time magic. He'd managed to literally warp the fabric of time itself. In fact, Fiona invited the Herald in hopes of acquiring her aid, but Alexius altered everything to conscript the mages before the Herald could arrive. Fiona had no idea she'd been manipulated to that extent. The Magister had planned to invite the Herald to Redcliffe and eliminate her. It was fortunate that the Herald approached the Templars instead. We need to find a way to distract the Magister so that Dorian could destroy the amulet before he used it again. He could not be allowed to alter anything else, there was a reason such magic is forbidden; even in Tevinter.

Dorian said Alexius was toying with forces that would rip apart the very fabric of our reality.

Fenris, however, decided to remain angry throughout our meeting. He was not only angry at me for resorting to a strategy that made Anders infamous in history, but he was livid that I trusted Fiona after she'd torched Haven. No amount of logic would convince him; even when Fiona offered information of a secret entrance into Redcliffe Castle.

He strode ahead of me as we headed towards the hill up to the Castle. I let out a defeated breath and finally gave in. "Will you at least talk to me?"

"No," he retorted gruffly.

Fiona politely continued to walk ahead.

Blowing the front bangs off my forehead I wondered what I was getting into with this elf. "Will you then listen?"

"No."

Glaring at the offending girth of his shoulders as he strutted ahead, I took a faster stride to come beside him. "Aren't you being a tad unreasonable?"

"No."

I caught his arm before I could rethink my decision and he spun on me with a ferocity that froze me in my spot. His lyrium tattoos flared with light as he snarled low under his breath, nose almost level with mine. "Don't touch me!"

My mouth parted in surprise at the venom in his tone, as Fiona paused a distance ahead of us. Swallowing my sudden flash of fear, I was about to step away when I realized how idiotic this whole thing was. Huffing out a frustrated breath, I lifted my chin and crossed my arms, letting him stay in my personal space as I met his gaze. "Didn't seem much opposed to it in that shed back in Minrathous."

My deliberate jibe had its desired effect as he flinched and turned his eyes away, a flash of pink on his ears. "I…it was different. I wasn't…Bah!" Throwing up his hands he paced away from me before glaring at me down the line of his shoulders. "You confound me woman."

I raised an eyebrow. "You just figured this out now?"

"No." He grumbled and ran a hand through his silvery hair. "I only meant you shouldn't touch me when I am like this."

"Broody?"

"Perhaps." Rolling his eyes he walked back to stand before me and finally seemed to lose a bit of the anger. "This is not your fault. I am angry; yes, but not at you."

"At a dead man then?"

"No." I assumed it was Anders, but he shook his head, eyes downcast for a second. "At myself. I am disappointed that you managed to scheme behind my back."

"You were asleep!"

His eyes cut back to mine. "And you couldn't have awoken me?"

"You looked exhausted! It was just a few minutes and we were back before you were awake."

"And if something had happened to you while I was not there, what then?"

I frowned up at him, my arms falling away. "I'm afraid I'm confounded now. You realize who I am?"

"Yes!" His hands caught my forearms and he shook me for a second until I gasped. "It is who you are that I am concerned with Hawke. You are too important to lose."

A little breathless I stare up at him. "I can take care of myself."

"As you did in Kirkwall?"

"Precisely."

"And how many times were your mad quests attempted without backup?"

I opened my mouth then closed it. Several times. Until what he said finally seemed to sink in and the wind went out of my sails. "Take away my thunder, why don't you?" It was true. The seven years I had been in that city, I had always managed to find someone to fight beside me. Carver, Avaline, Varric, Anders, Fenris, Merril, Isabella, Sebastian. Even at night when I merely walked the streets after a big meal my trusted mabari had stayed by my side. Poor Kang. He was stuck in my old house with Gamlin and my cousin Charade.

"You will not do any fool thing without me again Hawke, do you understand?"

Taking a deep breath, I softened in his hold and nodded, hands resting against his armor chest plate. "Yes. I do."

Mouth tilting up at the corners, Fenris seemed to lose all of his anger as his hands rubbed gently against my arms before setting me back on my own feet. "Good." With a node and a smirk he turned back to Fiona. "Lead on mage."

"Just to be clear. So you will also stand vigil if I need to bathe?"

Fenris stumbled but did not turn back as he grumbled about forward women.

Snickering I followed him up to the gates of Castle Redcliffe.

Everything had turned inside out. The plan had gone swimmingly up until Dorian had tried to take the amulet from Alexius. Everything had gone wrong after that. The explosions had been bigger than I expected. Fenris would gloat once all of this was over. The ingredients had probably been a little off. Anders' legacy had sunk half the main hall into the dungeons along with most of us. There was dust and splinters everywhere. But the void that sucked me into oblivion was a horror I would remember for life.

The last of the guards collapsed into the flooded chamber and I lowered my staff. "What in the Maker's name was that! I thought the rifts sprout demons not Venatori!"

Dorian was leaning in the end of his own staff, his breath a tad unsteady. He had tried to counter Alexius' magic amulet and I could tell the rebuff had taken the wind out of him. "As did I." Looking around, he took a deep breath. "This is bad."

"Oh you don't say?" I squinted up into the gaping hole we'd fallen into and wondered why Fenris hadn't just jumped down after me. I would have expected that of him. I would have yelled at him for being reckless, but I would have expected it. A part of me was disappointed that he didn't, but another was glad that I wouldn't have to tend to his broken bones if he had fallen wrong. "How far exactly did we fall?"

"I don't think it is a matter of how, but when."

My head snapped back to stare at him. "You don't mean…"

"I'm afraid the rift has carried us through time. Judging by the presence and well-being of the Venatori guards and the great big crater you created, I'd say we are somewhere in the future."

Cackling madly, I secured my staff on my back and grinned. "Hilarious. Now tell me what you really think?" When Dorian merely held my gaze, I groaned. "Balls."

"For once, I agree. But first, we should find a way out of here. " Bending down he began to search the fallen Venatori guards. "Aha!" Lifting up a rusty old key, he grinned. "Let's see what mischief Alexius has managed to brew in our future."

A shudder went through me as the worst case scenario began to play in my head. But it couldn't be that bad. The Inquisition was still out there. Dorian, Fenris and I missing from the timeline couldn't have altered much – could it?

As we headed up a flight of stairs to a larger room and more guards, we realized just how much had changed. We found Lysas in one of the cells. His delirium and the red light in his veins set the mood for what was to come.

Slowly and steadily we found them all.

Varric was the first.

"Hawke?"

I'd nearly fallen to my knees when I saw him. I struck down the chains bound to his arms and feet and wrapped my arms around him. "No," whispering into his soiled chest, I held him tightly, the red light of the tainted lyrium scratched across his skin. "You were not supposed to be here! Why!" I yelled as I shoved myself away from him. "WHY are you here?"

With a half chuckle, half groan the dwarf rose and flexed his wrists. "As always, you can blame me."

Shaking my head, eyes cloudy with unshed tears I socked his shoulder lightly. "You came to look for me."

"You brought the Inquisition!?" Dorian exclaimed.

Varric sighed and shook his head. "None of it mattered. Alexius has magic we cannot counter."

"Time magic, I know!" Dorian snapped and began to pace. "My worst nightmare is now my reality. I couldn't stop him."

"Hey," I placed both hands on Dorian's shoulders and ducked down to look at him. "It is not your fault. Dorian, look at me." Touching his chin, I lifted his face to meet his stormy obsidian eyes. "You did not do this."

"Corypheus took us by surprise," Varric began, his voice cracking now and then as the red lyrium pulsed in his skin. "Everything was so absurd. He knew all our moves before we made them. He had people infiltrating our ranks before we were aware. Nothing could stand in his way once he killed Empress Celene. Not even the Inquisitor."

"The Orlesian monarch?" I frowned. "Why is her death important?"

"He had Tevinter in his sleeve and the Celene's kingdom under his thumb, eventually Fereldan fell as well. Death is all that was left. Look at me."

"Bite your tongue Varric, you're not dead yet. Not if I have something to say about it."

"That's sweet Hawke, but red lyrium makes death look good. I manage to look good in everything."

I sighed and ran a weary hand through my hair. "I'm going to regret asking this. Who else is down here?"

"I can't really say." Varric winced and stepped after us as we exited the dungeon. "I have heard screams that were…sometimes…familiar. But to be honest, I can't really tell if isn't just the damned red stuff messing with my head."

As my face contorted with pain imagining my friends in various states of torture, Dorian grabbed my arm. "Do not go there Hawke. We can fix this! We need to find a way to Alexius and I will find a way to send us back."

"You couldn't counter it before."

"This time I don't plan to counter it, I plan to wield it." I shot him a worried glance and he squeezed my hand. "I also plan to destroy that thing once we return."

Taking a deep breath, I silently put my mind to the present and crossed the drawbridge to find our way up into the castle itself. But before the final stairwell, we found Fiona.

The horror of all that would come to pass struck us with the force of the tableau she painted. In the cell, she stood half molded and mutated into a growing vine of red lyrium crystal. The largest slab seemed to have grown right out of her torso and held her immobile facing the wall. She could barely turn her head as she stared at us in surprise.

"You, live?"

Responding to her raspy voice, I reached through the bars and caught her hand as Varric went to work on the lock. "How…what happened?"

"It's the red lyrium," she grated out with effort. "It consumes you as you come into contact with it, until you become…this. Then they mine it for more."

"Barbarians!"

Dorian stepped forward. "Can you tell us what date it is? It is very important."

"Harvestmere. 9.42 Dragon."

"A year!" I stared at her in horror. "A year did this!"

Varric stood away from where he'd been examining the red crystal growing out of Fiona. "I can't even begin to wonder where to start separating her."

"You must leave me here." Fiona groaned as another wave of red grew out of her shoulder. My gut twisted when I realized what horrors Fenris must be going through. The mere thought of how I would find him sent my mind spiraling into panic I could barely hold at bay. "You must stop Corypheus." Fiona implored weakly. "He has become more powerful than the maker. Nothing can stop him now."

"If I find the amulet, I can use it to open a rift that could send us back before any of this could happen."

"Good," Fiona offered Dorian a smile. "Then there is hope."

"I said maybe." The Tevinter mage crossed his arms and huffed. "I could also turn us into paste."

"I'd rather not be paste," I wrinkled my nose.

"Yeah," Varric grinned. "Paste isn't really my color."

"Your spymaster is here," Fiona informed Varric.

I looked up startled. "Who?"

"The Nightingale is here?" Varric stepped up excitedly. "That's great! Leliana was the Inquisitions spymaster! The woman is scary with how she knows everything there is to know about everything. She would know where Bianca is."

It didn't feel right leaving Fiona, but I had no choice. All I could offer her was a promise that I would fix this. I had no idea if that were even possible. The building dread in my gut was slowly cutting off my reason and logic. It was hard to keep my mind on the goal when red lyrium seemed to be growing out of walls and people. Because eventually we found them all. The mage Solas, the Qunari, the elf girl, the grey warden, Cullen, Cassandra – everyone infected with red lyrium.

Everyone except Fenris.

A scream made us pause. "Oh no," Varric went pale.

"Leliana?" I ventured a guess as we turned the corner and sprinted towards the direction the voice came from.

"In all the years I've known her, she has never screamed with pain. Never!"

We went up a flight of steps as another rougher voice came through the walls. "The Maker is dead. Say it!"

The door opened under Dorian's stonefist and we rushed in to see a Venatori zealot choking in the death-grip of a bruised and battered woman. As far as introductions went, I had respect for the woman who fell to her feet after being released despite the many arrays of torture she had survived. The room was littered with bloodied tools and signs of obvious intent. They were still trying to get information out of her. A year later! I had serious respect now.

But Leliana wasn't in the mood for talking. She asked if we had weapons then told us where we would find Alexius. As she handed Varric his precious Bianca after we raided the guard room, I asked the one question I didn't want an answer to. "Have you seen an elf; with white hair?"

The cloaked rogue frowned as she secured the bow on her back. "An elf?"

"He has markings on him, like tattoos, but not."

A light seemed to spark in her eyes before she shrugged. "Not really."

I narrowed my gaze at her a slow fire beginning to burn in my fist. "You're lying."

"Hawke, this is not the time," Dorian pleaded.

"Tell me where he is."

Leliana seemed to bristle at my command then met my eyes resolutely. "Perhaps it's better, I show you." She started along a metal walkway. "Alexius will be in his chambers. We need to go now while he is unaware of our presence."

My dread finally exploded in full-blown terror. Varric and Dorian spoke to me; they bantered and tried to lighten the mood. Even Leliana spoke a few words, but my mind was in chaos. I only needed to climb the steps faster as we opened a gate to enter into the castle proper. Everything was red. With blood and tainted lyrium.

I realized just how accurate that was when we entered the throne room.

Because, while it was true, we had taken Magister Alexius Gereon by surprise, the reason for Leliana's silence took the very breath from my lungs.

"Shall I rip out their hearts for you Master?"

Beside his throne on his knees and collared was the red glowing form of Fenris.

To be Continued…


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading. This will be the last chapter. I might write a short excerpt of Hawke and Fenris and their continued romance, but it's not certain yet. Depends if these two leave me alone. I had a blast writing this. Thank you also to my silent readers and those who sent kudos for my story. You guys rock!  
> ____________________________________________________________________________

I have put the man I loved to the knife. I remember it felt like gutting myself. But there was nothing like watching Fenris enslaved once again. The proud, passionate warrior had empty eyes that were framed with red jagged, bruised veins from lyrium poisoning. Where it was killing most people, the red lyrium was feeding Fenris and in turn feeding Alexius.

The battle was by far the most difficult I have ever fought.

I realize now why I had put a knife to Anders. Trying to fight him without killing him would have been excruciating. Trying to fight Fenris was like picking at my own shadow. Where he had been the lyrium ghost before, now he was a blur. Dorian, Varric and Leliana had their hands full trying to keep Alexius at bay. My shields were being chipped away slowly and steadily by the one elf I had never wanted to face in battle.

As his sword crashed into my barrier again, I charged him with chain lightening only to make a dent in his attack. He kept coming. It was unnerving to see such primal, murderous intent leveled solely on me. I had tried to talk him back to himself, but he seemed committed to one thing only. Killing me.

"Hawke!"

The greatsword screamed against my flickering barrier as I weakened, nearly spent. I could barely hear Varric's concerned cry. He wanted to help but the Magister was getting up again, pulling from the elf making him cry out in a heart wrenching screech of pain. I had watched it twice already. My barrier fell away as I stared at him fall to his knees, the red lyrium lines glowing as Alexius drew on him.

"Now Hawke! Before he restores his mana!" Dorian cried.

I shook my head; the moment was a few seconds, but Fenris screamed and screamed.

I couldn't.

"Do it or we're all dead!" Leliana yelled.

"Free him!"

I looked up startled and met Varric's eyes across the battlefield.

"Free him Hawke!"

My staff blade hissed across flesh and with crack of the spell being interrupted, everything stilled.

Alexius fell to his knees, broken, exhausted and defeated.

Fenris' eyes flickered from red to moss green and met mine. His mouth opened on a whisper of my name before he slid to the ground.

Everything was chaos. In my head, in the chamber. Darkspawn and demons were breaking through the doors. Dorian was shouting that we needed to leave. My eyes were fixed on the lifeless form of the elf I had wanted to save. I was a monster. Strong arms lifted me from where I'd fallen down beside him. I struggled in my mind's eye as the world blurred around me, the place where he fell in a pool of blood my only point of focus.

A rage demon set Varric on fire.

I was the monster.

Leliana's words died into a scream of agony as a darkspawn bit into her shoulder.

They all died because of me.

"Hawke snap out of it! This is not real!"

I killed them all.

Danarius' face loomed into my vision and smirked. "My pet."

Am I faithful, am I strong, am I good enough to belong  
In your reverie a perfect girl  
Your vision of romance is cruel and all along I played the fool  
All your expectations bury me

Don't worry you will find the answer if you let it go  
Give yourself some time to falter  
But don't forgo know that you're loved no matter what  
And everything will come around in time

You need everybody with you on your side  
Know that I am here for you but I hope in time  
You'll find yourself alright alone  
You'll find yourself with open arms  
You'll find yourself in time

(Excerpt from 'Perfect Girl' by Sarah McLachlan)

Something was touching my head.

"Has Cassandra killed Varric yet?"

What?!

"Hmmm, no. It seems that tattooed creature intervened. These three seem to share history."

Creature! How dare someone speak of Fenris that way!

"Come on Solas, he's not a creature! He's absolutely awesome! Have you seen those eyes! Ahhhh…"

Was that a woman?

"…Would you stop your prattling so I can heal the woman!"

"Eeee! Boy you sure are touchy today."

The fog was too thick around me, I could see nothing, but when I felt the tingling of magic against my head, I jerked to full alertness.

"Dirthara-ma!"

"Oooh, she's fast."

Light cracking at the end of my vision, I finally managed to focus on two floating blobs. As my sight cleared I realized the bald blob was glaring at me from where I had caught his wrist rather harshly. The other, equally elven was watching me with big blue eyes. With a groan, I touched my throbbing head and slowly become aware of my surrounding. The room was sparsely populated but warm with the fire burning in hearth. I was lying on a cot that was soft with furs underneath me. The two blobs finally focused into the elven couple watching me with varying levels of expectancy.

"Do you mind? You're cutting off blood to my fingers."

With a wince at the bald elf's request I dropped his hand.

"Wow lady, you're high strung. Solas was only trying to heal you."

Opening my mouth, I let out a choked sound and the elf named Solas sighed before lifting a bowl of water to my lips. "Drink slowly."

Letting him pour the liquid down my parched throat, I had my first rational thought. "Where…"

The magenta haired elven woman behind him perked up and grinned at me with abject pride. "You're at Skyhold! I had some of our men bring you here. This place is great!" She socked the shoulder of the bald elf who I assumed was a mage with enough force to make him grunt and scowl. "Solas here found it after we got our asses handed to us at Haven." I had barely managed to follow the conversation but she went on. "We heard you helped our people escape. And the mages have joined the Inquisition; it's all thanks to you! So I had them bring you here for healing. I mean it's only fair to return a favor right?"

"I think she only asked where, Inquisitor."

"Awww, don't be so square Solas!"

Groaning under the weight of their banter, I slowly sat up in the cot and had my second lucid thought. "Fenris."

Solas touched my shoulder to steady me. "Your elven friend is fine." I blinked at him in surprise and he offered me a soft smile. "Your mana reserves were startlingly low. You were in and out of lucidity. You spoke of him in your delirium."

"Oh I totally understand your fascination!" The female elf leaned over Solas' shoulder to wink at me. "He is rather fine isn't he?"

"Inquisitor!"

I frowned up at them as Solar admonished her about talking too much and being flighty while she rolled her eyes.

This was the woman? The Herald of Andraste?

Then I had my third lucid thought and turned bright red. I spoke of him? What in Maker's name did I say?! Fascination? What was happening? Everything had been turned upside down inside me. Testing my limbs I realized everything was attached. We had survived. If the people of the Inquisition were here, then all was well. Time had been set in its place. Fenris was here?

Then the memories of the future settled deep in my belly. The nausea began to take root and I rolled out of the cot with a gasp. Air. I needed to be outside. Behind me I heard Solas and the Inquisitor, but I paid them no mind as I went towards the only door I could see. Breath had stalled somewhere between my lungs and my mouth. Pain gripped my chest as I went blindly through a corridor, down a flight of step and burst through the first door I could find. A pair of arms opened and caught me before I could stumble.

"Whoa there! Where's the fire?"

I smelled cinnamon and brandy. "Dorian?"

"Easy Raine, you've barely recovered."

"I can't," I gasped, clutching his arms, "I can't breathe."

"Flames. Coming through!"

I felt my world tip off its axis as his arm went under my legs and I was suddenly lifted. Shocked and concerned faces went past me as I was carried through the great hall and out into the bright sunlight. It took a few excruciating seconds for me to finally drag in the fresh air as the panic slowly ebbed in my veins. Everything became loud until finally the screaming voices quietened. Anders stopped calling me a murderer. Danarius stopped calling me impressive and Fenris was no longer a bleeding corpse.

Slowly and steadily the sky cleared to a pristine blue with fluffs of white here and there. The sun warmed my clammy skin and my bones steadied when oxygen filled my lungs completely. A few birds twittered in the distance and I finally lifted my head to look up into Dorian's concerned eyes.

"Damn woman. Just breathe. Everything is fine. Well, as fine as everything can be." He touched my chin with a grin. "We made it out with everything attached, my dear. You can relax now."

I could relax? The world was on fire around us, I had nearly escaped from a future that had literally destroyed everything. How could anything be fine ever again?

I swallowed thickly, my head instinctively turning to spot him. A few yards away he stood with his back to me facing a woman I didn't recognize and Varric. The sight of his lanky frame standing cross-armed and possibly brooding to his heart's content finally calmed my heart to its usual rhythm.

"Wow, is she ok?"

I turned to the elven woman and offered her a perfunctory little bow. "I apologize for the panic attack, Inquisitor. But I did watch each and every one of you die a horribly painful death."

The lithe elf clad in simple tunic and pants hardly looked like she commanded the entire Inquisition. But Solas had spoken with conviction. There was obviously more to this woman. Grinning widely she walked up to me and took my hand in a hearty handshake. I would learn as time went by that there was little point in denying her anything. She commanded much with her mirth and bright smiles. The few minutes that introductions were made, my eyes kept returning to him.

Breath was finally coming to me. This was not the future I'd seen. His lyrium lines were white and perhaps a painful reminder but to me they were healthy and pure. His arms held no shackles and his neck no collar. He chatted easily with Varric now, even nodding at the unknown woman as if sharing her displeasure with the dwarf. His fame was more upright, his stance free. I realized that I had been a part of it. I had suffered the love of a bitter, tormented man. But I had done so much more. I watched Varric duck a swipe from the raven haired warrior woman and smiled. I had old friends. Dorian joked beside me and it warmed me. I had made new friends. I'd saved the mages. Stopped a Qunari invasion and become part of something that could possibly save all of Thedus. I had saved Fenris.

Eventually, he felt my gaze and turned. Even across the distance I saw the widening of his eyes as he unceremoniously left the conversation. My heart skidded inside my chest before resuming a faster, much more anxious pace. I remember excusing myself as I descended the steps while he climbed them. We met half-way, a few feet apart and his eyes slid over me, tallying whether all was in its place. I merely soaked in his presence. It was strong and comforting and I realized it was with him that I was strongest. I needed him in my life.

"You're awake."

Snorting out a chuckle at his awkward and rather obvious observation, I put one hand on my hip and fixed him with a teasing smile. "Are you sure? This could all be a fade-dream."

Scowling, he took the last step up and came to my eye-level. "Let us make sure then."

Puzzle pieces sliding into place, I reached for him and his arms wrapped around me like bands of steel. His mouth came fiercely and passionately down on mine. And I was lost.

If the last kiss had been hot, this time the heat of his lips against mine was scalding. The unspoken hunger and hopeful desire was a burning that started where his mouth met mine but spread through me until I was clinging to him. Desperate to let him sooth the screaming fire in my veins. The hard planes of his body doing nothing but molding the soft curves of mine to it. The same body that had lain in its own blood without me.

I wanted to cry, let the tears mingle into our kiss. To douse the memory that burned there, but he gave me no room for anything but to kiss him back. His lips were devouring as they were with his words, his promises, his threats. They swallowed all restraint and hesitation from every cell in my body. One wide firm gauntleted hand held the back of my head in its palm, the other wrapped around my waist to hold me up against him, fingers fisted into the back of my tunic.

If the Inquisition people around us stared in shock, I never noticed.

I let my hands run up the sharp rough slants of his face. My tongue tangled with his as I let my fingers explore the duality of sensations; the rough hard bone of his jaw, the soft silk of his hair. Then my fingers skimmed over the long line of his elf ears and his mouth slanted on mine and stole me from myself.

I've been kissed before in my life, but I knew that this would be the kiss that mattered.

And then he was releasing me, his hands sliding up to my shoulders, grasping there and tenderly pushing me away, but his mouth lingered on mine, gentling the kiss until I wanted to scream and hold him in place. His lips parted from mine and he shared one last, longing breath with me before stepping away. "Every minute away from you felt like a lifetime."

I stared at him, my breath ragged as the gravity of his gravelly admission hit me with the power of a fist in the gut. Because I had felt the exact same way. Oh Maker! I took a shuttered breath and ran a hand through my hair. What was happening? When did I fall so deep into him? How did I lose myself completely in this broody elf? How did the mere touch of his mouth, his hand on my back, his crooked smile erase all the pain I had ever suffered?

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came. It was inevitable and extraordinary. We had both survived our past and made peace with our present. The sky had torn open and we had no idea what the future would bring. We had found each other in a time when nothing seemed certain. Perhaps it was fate, perhaps it was love. All I knew was that he stayed the course and he never wavered. At my back was where he belonged. At my side. He kept it all together.

Smiling widely, I stepped closer to him and gazed up into his eyes. "I lived the one where you were away from me Fenris. In this one, you just try and shake me."

His returning smile was the best I'd seen on him as his arms slipped around me.

"Oye! When did this happen!?" Varric's voice piped up from below but Fenris was giving me no choice as he pulled me into him again. "This could be an epic romance. Hawke? Are you listening? I want details!"

In the burden of uncertainty, Fenris was my solid ground.

And of this I was certain: It would all be worth it in the end.

THE END

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dirthara-ma: (dir-THAH-rah MAH): "May you learn." Used as a curse.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: There are 5 parts to this. I promise Fenris will be here soon. But I had to do justice to my lovely Hawke. I did sorta put her through a lot trying to finish my Ander's romance. So bear with me, the story is as important as the romance ;)


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